Thoughts

There are times when I am questioning.
Questioning that this is what is supposed to happen, that I should be studying music production or music at all. Just becuase I am interested in it, should I be dedicating my life to it? Should I have picked something more "practical" and risk being bored or unsatisfied?

I know that my purpose in this world is to spread God's love. I am here to be a servant; to show His love to those around me.

I have very specific plans and ideas in my head about how I am going to use music production (ir possibly performing) as my particular ministry but what if I made that up?

There are times when I think about my future and I feel like I am stumbling through a darkened room, knocking around to find my way.
But there are times when, like a beam of pure white light, something will happen. A moment will happen that feels like the gears of the world are rotating tandomly, like the cosmic gasses coming together to form a white hot star, like the spokes of my life are slotting into place and fit. And when these moments happen, my heart beats with it and I feel that it is right, that I am being guided steady and patiently through the darkened room which doesn't seem quite so dark.

Music is something that keeps me moving. I have this passion and peace and there is a reason for this. I am not supposed to just toss this passion to the side to pursue something safe and "practical." I am going to use it, to the best of my abilities. Maybe it is not through recording or production, but it is going to happen. I was to glorify Him using this passion for music.

There is something about it that moves people. It can reach into the hardest, darkest parts of people. It can inspire, it can bring people together in deeper ways, it comforts, it influences, it soothes and excites. There is perfection in music but there is also assymmetry; completed or open-ended; resolved or conflicted. Flowing. Spiking. Seamless and separated.
I can breathe with it.
I can feel God (Holy Spirit) more so in music that any other thing or experience in this world. I have felt the intense peace and perfection that can only come from the Author of Peace. My soul is thick and heavy with it, drunk with it, saturated and full and there is joy.
God has blessed this world, the world around me, with the perfection that is music and I pray that I can use it, forever for my life.