7/20 It's been a while.

I’ve been using my friends computer while I stay at his place until I find wireless somewhere or go into the studio, which I didnt need to do today. All I did yesterday was back stuff up and he’s been working on taking out a chunk of the wall so my services weren’t needed today. I did what I normally do on my days off: explore.

I needed to buy some shoes for the wedding I’m singing at so I went to the giant Macy’s a few blocks down, then I found a farmer’s market with live music, and another cool fountain (instead of Minnesota being the “Land of 10,000 Lakes,” it should be the “Land of Really Cool Fountains”)… then came back and thought someone was breaking into the window (which would be highly unlikely seeing as I am on the 16th floor), but realized it was just hail. I ate a ton of carbs for dinner, and while I’m not proud of this, went to the tanning bed that this apartment complex has… I know, I’m sorry.

Walter the cat has been keeping me company; he seems to really like my red boots, but who can blame him.

Things I am learning:

I have way more posessions then someone my age needs.

When it comes to difficult situations, I am realizing that I may not handle them with the amount of grace that I should be. I’m not saying that there is a standard or anything, but ultimate love, the love that I have been shown and want to show to others is difficult sometimes… no matter who it is, they are loved by the One who made them, but sometimes I don’t treat them like they are. I am deeply sorry for that. I pray that I can always see others, see everyday through His eyes. I am re-reading Praise Habit by David Crowder. It is such an amazing description of how praise should be habitual, how in my everyday situations, and in my difficult situations, I see His beauty and priase Him with my life. I want that so desperatly.

Welp, I’m going to enjoy the sunset over the city from the window and probably eat more carbs. Blessings on this beautiful evening.

…Sometimes our awareness of who we are, in light of who He is, is so present and vivid that we become expolsions of rescue…”

-David Crowder from Praise Habit

I really do update my tumblr much more often, so please check there.

Day 9

I haven’t been feeling very good lately. I am not getting any less sleep then I did during the school year, and I am not eating anything abnormal. Perhaps it’s my lack of caffeine in the mornings, I ran out of ice tea a few days ago. Maybe you can see it in my blood-shot eyeball. Oh well.
Today I did some work on the vocals of this one blues-y cover of a Lucinda Williams song which sounded really awesome. I really like how Protools 8 looks, the darker colors are so much easier to stare at for hours. I was thinking of bouncing a quick and dirty unfinished version for my self, I enjoyed it that much.
I then checked out the coffee shop a few doors down form the studio to pick up something sweet for after dinner, and as I was crossing the road, I got honked at. It couldn’t have been to like, hit on me since I looked a hot-mess, and it wasn’t because I was in his way… maybe he was just horn-happy…?

Later in the day, we set up the drum set and mic’d it for tomorrow’s session. I played with a fun plug-in for the guitar.
After I got home, ate and Thekla and I went for a walk around the lake. It’s a cool night so it was nice to get out and enjoy it. After catching up with a friend, here I am tumblr-ing.
Here are the lyrics to that Lucinda Williams song, World Without Tears… I like them.

If we lived in a world withought tears,
How would bruises find
The face to lie upon?
How would scars find skin
To etch themselves into?
How would broken find the bones?

If we lived in a world without tears,
How would heartbeats
Know when to stop?
How owuld blood know
Which body to flow outside of?
How would bullets find the guns?

If we lived in a wold without tears,
How would misery know
Which back door to walk through?
How would trouble know
Which mind to live inside of?
How would sorrow find a home?

If we lived in a world without tears,
How would bruises find
The face to lie upon?
How would scars find skin
To etch themselves into?
How would broken find the bones?
How would broken find the bones?

Anyways, hope everyone is doing well and thanks to those people that I’ve caught up with these last few days. I miss you all.

Day 7-and pictures.

Here are some pictures from my time in the city so far.

Windsor Drive. Good stuff.


The view from the hot-seat in the studio.


My housemates made us dinner.


Lake Como right by my house.


The studio does sound for these guys, Mel's Diner.


My Favorite Highway, I helped them out film some goofy stuff for their website. (Pat and Bobby).


Will.


Dave.


Will.


Pat.




I had a wonderful weekend. I really enjoy pleasant people to be around and I’m so blessed to have them in my life. Saturday night I was spoiled by my housemates in that they made a huge dinner for everyone and then we all played cards after.

Yesterday morning I checked out John Piper’s church with Natalie and Bob. I liked it but I don’t think it is a fit for me personally. There are a few on the list still that I need to check out, but at least I got to see what it was all about. I had a relaxing afternoon at home, cut my hair, ate a bunch, caught up with some friends from home, etc.

Last night I went to another show at the Triple Rock, it was the Ace Enders tour… but I went to see my buddies in My Favorite Highway. I had no idea they were even touring this area, but I looked online and saw they were coming. It was really good to catch up with them; I’m super excited that they got signed to Virgin and are making their way… They’re really solid guys and I’m happy that they are getting the good things they deserve. We just goofed around in the parking lot during the rest of the show, filming some stuff for their website.. it’s gonna be really funny when it’s all edited. It was their last show on this tour so all the bands went out to eat and I was supposed to meet up with them after but I got really really tired… I don’t know.

It was a good day.

Post 200- Day 5/6

Day.5/6.

I was way too tired last night to update for day 5. so forgive the untimeliness of this post.

I had a wonderful morning and afternoon yesterday since my duties with the studio didn’t start till 6 pm. I found out that I live a block away from Lake Como (see picture above), which has paved bike paths around it and this pavilion with a little cafe and a place to rent boats. For lack of a less-girly phrase, it’s adorable. It’s a beautiful area surrounding it too.

The evening consisted of a hour and a half drive to Rochester, unloading equipment, learning the basics of the board, which is the same one I use for my job as a sound engineer at school, and then just listening to the band play (and watching the drunk middle-aged people dance). It’s was incredibly entertaining and I picked up a few amazing dance moves to add to my repertoire. Yes. We didn’t have to tear down though, which was nice, because the drummer locked his keys in the car and we didn’t get back to the T.cities (my new abbreviation for the twin-cities) till 3:50, putting me in my bed promptly at 4:15. All in a days work though. I love live-sound so I’m happy to be there.

Today, I have the whole day off, and the house mates and I were gonna go to a lake to swim, but it ended up being overcast, which I’m not complaining about. Thekla is making us all a native Greek dinner, and we’re all just gonna hang out together tonight.

I have the day off tomorrow as well and Natalie and Bob are going to take me to John Piper’s church and then My Favorite Highway is playing at the Triple Rock Social Club. We might hang out after that too if they’re not to tired from touring (and being signed to Virgin!!!).

Anyways, have a wonderful day friends. Miss you all.

HAVE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THE WORLD EVER BEEN UPENDED?

That, my friend, is what the life & calling of Jesus should do.

It should “upend” your assumptions about the world. The story of Jesus should push you to see the world differently—because surely Jesus did. It should push you to interact in the world differently—which historical records let us know that Jesus did. It should push you to experience faith & hope in a different way—which we read that Jesus advocated for. It should push you to interpret the future differently (interpret in a way that asks where God’s love is breaking through, not in a “making predictions about the end of the world” kind of way—yuck)—which was the same future that pulled Jesus towards the Cross and Resurrection.

Take this man that Jesus talks to:

Man: Good Teacher (Jesus), what must I do to inherit eternal life?

Jesus: Why do you call me good? No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: “Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.”

Man: Teacher, all these things I’ve kept since I was a boy!

Jesus: (with love, according to the author) One thing you’re missing. Go, sell everything you have, and give it to the poor. Then come, follow me.

(The man walks away sad, because he was wealthy & unwilling.)

Assumptions. Upended. See?

Jesus enters his story, then he obliterates everything the man thinks and knows about eternal life, righteousness, and religion.

Eternal life? That starts now. You can’t buy or earn it. It’s slowly breaking into reality and reaching for you. Will you reach back?

Righteousness? You’ve earned nothing. God is good, and only because God is good can it even be a thought on your mind. The only thing possible for you to do is surrender. Ready?

Religion? I am religion. I am the way. Everything that’s not a conduit for the love of God is a hindrance to the love of God. Don’t you see that your faith is in your money (in yourself)?

The man gave Jesus an inch, and he lovingly took a mile.

This is often how God works with us. If you open yourself up, be prepared. God will provide. But odds are that “providence” will look nothing like you expect.

The man learned from Jesus a valuable lesson: God’s providence can often mean less, not more. Your value, your life, upended. Let’s go.

From:
Petey Crowder
http://mrcrowder.com/

Day 3

Day 3 was good. After a slow start getting to the mall, I found that the highways are fairly easy to navigate around. I got home no problem after spending the day at the Mall of America. That place wears a girl out. The drop in temperature to 84 (from 106 yesterday) was heavenly… and the rain… I never thought I would be that happy to stand in the rain. Such a nerd.

I ate dinner with the couple that lives downstairs, Natalie and Bob. They are both incredibly nice, both used to intern with Campus Crusade, and it is really a blessing to have other believers in the house. God answered my prayers for fellowship in the city, starting with them. They go to John Piper’s church, which was on the list of churches I needed to check out in the city, so that’s pretty cool too.

Tomorrow is my first day at the studio. Tonight there is a show that I might want to check out…Windsor Drive is playing. They are from kind of close to my summer home in WI. We’ll see!

Tumblr

City.Summer.

This will be my main for of posting for the summer... I will still be over here on blogspot every once and a while, but I figured I'd give this a go.

Blessings.

It Does....

I've been reading a new blog, this was from a few weeks back.

IT MATTERS WHERE WE START

Several years ago when I was working a children’s camp in the summer as a Bible Study leader, I began to struggle with what it meant to “lead someone to Christ.”

We had routines ingrained into our heads during our pre-camp training, having information downloaded into our memories about everything from “what to do if a kid wants to give you a hug” to “how to steer the conversation towards ‘acceptance of Jesus’ even if that’s not what they want to talk about.”

We were told to keep it simple, make sure we induced the right words (and wording), and don’t forget to fill out the commitment card afterwards! After all, years down the road those kids could point to that decision card they filled out after committing to follow Jesus as evidence they were truly “saved.” I wonder how many of those cards are wedged in Bibles that haven’t been opened in years?

Aside from all of the problems evident in such a system of getting converts, something else deeply troubled me: We assumed a Judeo-Christian worldview and notion of God.

Not many of these kids, if any at all, were being taught to think critically about the existence of a Creator and his work in the world. We, along with their home church leaders, assumed belief in God was a given. We just needed them to “accept Jesus.”

And when those kids are children, especially those living in churched households, this wasn’t an issue.

But then those kids went to college. And because we cared far more during their childhood (they are the “formative years,” and we are constantly fed statistics about children and young teens being most likely to convert) about making sure they were “saved” and neglected to teach them to think critically about the existence of God, they were in for a rude awakening.

Most of these kids don’t walk away from Jesus. They walk away from a Christian, churchy worldview. And you could argue that they walk away from Jesus in the process, but they ultimately walk away because their understanding of God no longer fits the world in which they live.

When I think about raising Emery, I definitely want her to know Jesus. But I also want her to learn to think for herself, to explore the realities of God and his existence in the world. I want her to know about a Creator who is full of love and hates injustice.

Late in that summer, it struck me that we were getting people to “accept Jesus” who didn’t necessarily understand God. And then I began to wonder if it matter where we started with our teachings on Jesus, Christianity, and salvation.

I think it’s important that we start with God—a multifaceted endeavor to say the least. Not simple facts about God or Bible verses to be drilled into someone’s head, but a process that helps us understand the unfathomable in such a way that orients us towards the proper character, posture, and direction in the world that the Creator is calling us to.

-Petey Crowder
MrCrowder

Apologies

Hello, I know I have not been posting anything of much substance these days, but it's coming soon, I promise. I know that once summer hits, I'll be on here every other day... so don't you fret dear friends...

Promoting the heck out of it.

It's All Here

Here are all the behind the scenes video's in one place so you can see what went into making it. There are a lot, but this is for me as well. (I'm in a few of them actually).

Official Trailer!

The official trailer! Please come see it at Mem Aud this Sunday at 7 pm. We've worked (and are working hard on it) so please come and support!

4:04 AM.

Things are changing... that shifting feeling is coming back and people are getting antsy and... what's the word when you keep remembering old times? Well, that word, when I think of it.

I'm excited for everyone on their journeys. God had big plans.

Studio Time

Trailerpark is really coming along. I've been hearing good things about the progress, and listening to the music they have been recording today, it sounds good. I missed the sitar player unfortunately... but it sounds good. All the people on the audio team are incredibly talented and I'm blessed to be on the team with them. The whole crew is talented. I can't wait to see how all of them are going to use their gifts after their time at Ohio University. I have no doubts in my mind that they are all going to be successful.

Anyways, if you have time, check out the sweet-looking new-ish website here.

Here is the studio currently, with Tim, our composer's hand...

Aww, God is Infinite.

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Fun.

Perhaps not in this heat, but any other day this would be so fun.
The clapping is the best. Look how much fun everyone is having!

Right Now...

I am sitting up on college green. It is perfect outside, God made it so beautiful.

One of our traveling-preacher-friends is sitting all by himself up here in his normal spot. He tried yelling at people, saying "I know you can hear me..." but no one listened and now he's not saying anything. The theories hold-true, that if there is no one to listen to them, they won't say anything. Perhaps he'll leave.

I've had so many visitors this week. My friend Jeff, my friend Jim, and my parents left this morning after they made the trip down here for the awards banquet for the scholarships I won for next year. God is a provider. I knew I received one, but not two... such a blessing.

I've been looking for a new chorus,
A different way to say your name, to hear your voice,
I gotta find new chords.
Oh how my new body, it shines...

Somehow your blood made you blind to our divide.
I am all yours.

We will wear compassion,
we will wear it.
And the gates of hell won't stand against it.

We will wear compassion,
We will wear it,
And the gates of hell, they won't stand against it.

Gates
As Cities Burn

Depending.

Growing older does put a different spin on life. Relationships with people as friends turn into things completely different then how I saw them as a child. I miss that on occasion. My entire life, well... from when I had an actual personality, I have been a relational person. Deeply sensitive to other people, what they are feeling, how they treat others and them-self, etc... and while it worked as an adolescent, I am finding it is becoming more and more difficult to devote time and energy into people who may not view friendships, or perhaps our friendship the same way. I like being able to give myself to that, allow people in, there is a connection, a sharing, and when Jesus is involved, there is so much deep fellowship with others that can happen, allowing both parties to grow in Him and in the friendship.
I like being like that with people, but perhaps it's too much. Perhaps boundaries must be drawn with how much people should be let in, and how much of me I invest in others. Perhaps I need to surround myself with more people who will not take what I have given them and not care. Perhaps I need to protect my heart with friendships too.
How do I do that? How do I change what has been an intrinsic part of how I relate to others? What are the steps I need to take to stay protected and not break every time there is evidence of not-caring from the other party? It hurts twice as much when our friendship was based around Jesus, there can be a lot of confusion... do I pray for strength? Wisdom? That God send me more fellowship with people who truly love Him? That he remains my only strength? All of the above?
Not to sound self-pitying. I am asking for other's knowledge on the subject.

God is good and I need to depend on Him. Hearts are going to be broken, but He is here to heal them.

It's That Time Again

The leaves are finally on the trees, people's faces are brighter (and tanner), and the familiar shouting of the various traveling preachers can be heard across campus. It's springtime in Athens again.

Every spring, for about a two week period, there are various traveling preachers that come and spew hatred and hellfire as they stand in the most beautiful area of campus, where there is a lot of foot-traffic and lots of wary ears to hear. It's an interesting juxtaposition, looking at the beauty of this world, the intense green of the trees and grass, the constant smell of lilac all over the greens, that was lovingly made by a God who loves us enough to make all that for us, being pocked with people shouting about a fictional god of hate and smite. It's a shame that those shouting can't point to that as proof of His love instead of point to a few verses in the Bible out of context proving that everyone is going to burn in hell.

Why did Jesus die? As I recall, in John is says 'For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever belives in him shall NOT perish but have ETERNAL life.' (Emphasis added by me). Thats is such a joyful message! In my experience, people don't respond to positively to being personally insulted, being threatened, being looked at as less-then-human, when in reality, God IS Love (1 John 4:16), there is hope, and we are all equals because we are all loved children of God who have equally messed-up hearts. There is only one judge (James 4:12); there is only One who is perfect. It's the way it is.

My heart is broken for those who shout hatred because they are missing an integral important part of Jesus' message; that there is an ultimate love that can encompass your heart until there are internal changes, one of which is being able to see other as God sees them, as He created them, with Love, among other things. There is a peace that cannot be described, there is Joy and so many other beautiful words that burst open in your heart when you truly live for that Love.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to judge them. I admire their gumption. Being able to share is an important part of living this Love, but it needs to come from a place of openness and vulnerability and it needs to come without judgement, and should be a natural flow of everyday life, personality, and relations. That is what I have found anyway.

In Velvet Elvis, Bell compares Christian spirituality to a trampoline. He says there are people who want to make it into a brick-world, 'brikianity', solid walls, enclosed, cut-off, etc...and that needs defending when attacked. He talks about how Christian spirituality needs to be more like a trampoline, bending and stretching to fit to the current reality, and then he goes on to say that

"...you rarely defend a trampoline. You invite people to jump on it with you. I am far more interested in jumping than I am in arguing about whose trampoline is better. You rarely defend the things you love. You enjoy them and tell others about them and invite others to enjoy them with you."

Talking about beliefs is important, but it needs to spawn out of a place of love and a desire for others to experience what you experience. Its like the post I posted last year by David Crowder, if you have some time, please look it over, it is quite fabulous. 'O Praise Him'

I have come to appreciate when the traveling preachers come. I find that it is much easier to talk to people about the real way Jesus lived because everyone knows that what these people shout is not reality. I pray that, one day, I can have the gumption these preachers do, and I pray that the real peace of God floods over their hearts and opens their eyes to a life of love that is so liberating.

"And the, when we're broken and helpless as babies once again, we find ourselves being tenderly held and released into a new softness and gentleness and trust, where we can be free and loving once more, and truly, resiliently strong, no longer rigid. Paradoxically, the more we allow our walls to be broken, the more we find how little we really needed them. The more we die, the more alive we become. The more we trust, the less reason we have to be fearful."

Molly Wolf

John Daker

An old friend...

Made Too Pretty

We bear your name,
And you let us say
You are something that you're not.
As if you were made after we saw our own faces,
And knew we were gods enough.

I think we were made too pretty.
We're caught up in a stare we cannot break.
We know nothing changes too slowly.
Someday we might come down,
But who's to really say?

And if we are the body,
How'd the pretty men get so ugly?
How'd he get all these spaces between each limb?
And if there is one thing bigger than my head,
That's the distance I've been mislead.

'Cause I think we were made too pretty.
We're caught up in a stare and we can't break.
We know nothing changes too slowly.
And someday I might come down,
Oh, I don't wanna come down.
I think we became too pretty.

We don't want a God we don't see in ourselves, don't see we're in need.
We don't want a God we don't see in ourselves, don't see we're in need.

I think we were made too pretty.
We're caught up in a stare and we can't break.
I think we were made too pretty.
Yeah, so much we don't see it yet.
We don't see it.

We know nothing changes too slowly.

Made Too Pretty
As Cities Burn

Bursting

I am just going to ramble here....


I find myself out of apathy; being down and out, being low and forgetting, He sends something, people, a message.... that Hope. It comes and it frees me and I am made whole again, or reminded that I am whole in Him. I can breathe again, I can see again, I am free to Love people for who they are because what they do does not define them. God's love is worth screaming from the mountaintops. I don't want to be a salesman; like they said at 707 tonight, Jesus is not a product. He is life, He gives life, He takes away that death that we are supposed to go through so that we can fully live that life He is intending for us, which consist of true Love. A Love as He Loves, which is pure, without motive, without the bait n' switch, without looking at others faults... Love. I want so badly to love others like that, I want so badly for everyone who is important to me to feel this Hope, and this Peace that I cannot describe no matter how hard I try. It is so good. 'Good' doesn't even come close.

I find myself out of breath; excited that Jesus came and left us with this message to tell people, that it is worth telling people; excited that I get to experience this world with His light shining in it and that all the beauty He has for us here, all the Joy that can come on this earth from Him is only a minute little sliver of the fullness of that which can come when I finally let go of these needs, these dependancies on others, these insecurities, this pride, this wanting to figure life out myself first... when I give into my thirst for eternity, that is so quenched by his cool and embracing hold on my heart.

I am sitting here and I find myself out of words that are able to describe the state of my soaring heart at this moment.

Our Hearts

The hovering damp smell of rain is heavy as I begin to feel a light mist on my cheeks and ankles.
I missed the bus but it's alright.

It's been a beautiful few weeks, not just the weather, but internally. God has been so apparent, or my eyes have been opened to see his apparent-ness, and I am so filled with joy that I've had that time to grow in that.

Summer plans:
I will be interning with Natural Sound Studio in Minneapolis. They do all sorts of recording, and also live-sound regularly.
With pretty much a free place to live with a friend, family in the city, and only a four hour drive to the cabin in WI, it's been really a blessing. London was a struggle, scraping to get it ready, being let down again and again... God asked me to let go, and He gave me this internship.

I miss the fellowship I have at home, but I know that even this is preparing me for the summer and for my time after college. I know that He is enough... He is everything.

Talking to a friend at the coffee shop the other day, we were just sitting there in awe and gratitude that this Love, that His sacrifice is so amazing that we yearn to live in that, that it is worth shouting from the rooftops. No other love is as encompassing and worthy of constant reverence and awe.

'Christian Music'

I like this. This is from an interview with Chap Stique from Family Force 5.

CS: We like to think of “Christian music” in similar terms to the way we think of a person’s diet. Bear with me on this one…I promise it makes sense.

Most people who go on diets try to lose weight by avoiding cookies, cakes, cheeses, butters, and fatty foods. Instead (we’ll use the name Merlin for our example), Merlin eats a bunch of nasty salads made of iceberg lettuce and fat-free dressing. His program also provides substitute or alternative meals from what he normally eats, [for example] “our version” of pot roast, ribs, blue cheese, etc. They’re gross. After his diet, Merlin either:

a. Lost a lot of weight, but is still terribly unhealthy from lack of vitamins, proteins, and good carbs
b. Splurged and gained all his original weight [and] now experiencing guilt along with it
or
c. Lost weight, but hates life, because his meals are all imitations. He can’t wait to have “real” food again.

When the Christian music industry was originally created, it was like one of these diets…a “safe” alternative. Although there is tremendous value in turning away from music that causes a person to have a negative or pessimistic perspective (again, please realize that we think it is important to stay away from harmful messages), Christian music was often unoriginal and bland, and left the listener feeling unfulfilled.

With Christian music (as well as Christian culture in general), I think the key is to stop running away from things we think are bad, and to start running toward things we think are good. In our above example, Merlin gained nothing from avoiding fatty foods. He could have gained a lot by eating bananas, fish, and pasta and working out.

Today’s Christian music isn’t just a safe escape from music that is “bad.” Nor is it a watered-down imitation of the stuff that’s on mainstream radio. It is a true, credible art that encourages and challenges the listener to experience life to the fullest through connecting with the love of Christ.

The old mentality was, “Kids like Nirvana. Let’s make a Christian Nirvana.” The new mentality is becoming, “Kids like Muse. Let’s make something that’s as cool and original as Muse!”

So I guess Family Force 5 is a delicious, healthy smoothie and The Almost, Switchfoot, and Anberlin are Grape Nuts, turkey burgers, and watermelon.

There is a major revolution taking place in this thing that we call “Christian music,” and Family Force 5 is honored to be a part of it.

Here is the full interview

I Gave In...

and got a Twitter.

MakSlav



Social networking on speed.
Come follow me!

SImply Wonderful and True

Please watch the whole thing.

Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear

Underoath - Too Bright To See Too Loud To Hear

Good God, if your song leaves our lips,
If your work leaves our hands,
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds.

They will stare and say how empty we are...
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men.

Let us be cold, make us weak.
Let us, because we all have ears,
Let us, because we all have eyes.

How they knew that this would happen,
They knew, they knew that this would...
We're so run down.

Good God! Can you still get us home?
How can we still get home?
I'm not dreaming.
We're forgetting our forgiveness.

Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear
Underoath

So Instead...

So Instead of writing some terrible memoir of the amazing show at The Basement last Wednesday, after thinking about it, I decided that my brain could not come up with the right words to describe how epic the night was and what my heart was experiencing, I decided to appeal to all the visual learners out there on the interweb and just post pictures.



This Providence


This Providence


This Providence (I was crushin' on the one in the back, the bass player the whole night).


Paper Route


Paper Route


Ahhh, the main event.
Copeland.






Oh Aaron. Our vocal cords would go so nicely together.








The oh so typical band-with-fan shot. Oh well.

Coming Soon...

Some epic thoughts about the show last night are coming soon.

Just warning you, they might be incredibly cheesy.

Dentist.

I think He meant 'The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less; but I will give you nothing less.'

Let me explain. When I was a child I often had a toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I didn't not go to my mother - at least, not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would take me to the dentist next morning. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain: but I could not get it without having my teeth permanently right. And I knew those dentists: I knew that started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun too ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie, if you have them an inch they took an ell.

Now, if I may put it that way, Our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are shamed of...which is obviously spoiling daily life... Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may may be all you asked; but if you call HIm in, He will give you the full treatment.

C.S. Lewis
Mere Christianity

Rebuild the House.

...because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.

I find I must borrow yet another parable from George MacDonald. Inagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that these jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but he is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

The command Be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obay that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were 'gods' and He is going to make good His words. If we let HIm - for we can prevent Him, if we choose - He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radient, immortal creature, pulsating all though with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which relects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said.

C.S. Lewis
Mere Christianity

And sometimes God doesn't cause those painful things to happen, but if we let Him, He will use them to make us complete.

He Is Alive!

He is alive so we are alive.
All the prophesies are fulfilled.
He is the son of God and He is alive again.
We don't have to die for our sins anymore.
Thank you so much.

Good Friday

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23

It's really beautiful...
...That we are supposed to die. We are supposed to be perfect, but we mess-up and even though we mess-up and are definitely not perfect, Jesus took that upon Himself. We were supposed to die, and deserve to because like it says, 'the wages of sin is death;' we are supposed to die because we screw-up, but to take care of that requirement, Jesus, the only perfect person who didn't ever sin, took care of that for us.

And to be really random, Rob Bell, in Everything Is Spiritual, talks about how God does not have a linear perception of time, which means he can look in, and be in random parts of time constantly. So thinking of it like that, Rob talks about how Jesus is dying every second for us, and for each of us individually. That is reason in itself to be in constant admiration and appreciation of it, not just on Good Friday, but all the time... reverence in that...

Thank you Lord for dying, and still dying for me and you.
For me and you.
For me and you.
For me and you.

New Friends and Old Friends.

There is a grad. student from Germany who lives in the apartment above mine, and his friend from home is visiting this week. They came over and we watched a german horror movie last night, and tonight, I heard voices outside my apartment and I opened the door, and they were out there. I look down and they had baked me a cake with strawberries on it and a not that says "For Makella from your neighbors." How nice is that?

I was just at a party celebrating the end of ACRN week (the campus radio station), and it was good to see people that I didnt have much time to see last quarter. It's getting nicer out, and the sun it definitely perking up everyone's leaves.

Today was my first semi-stressful day of the quarter, and I was in a bit of pain from walking around with a heavy backpack on my still-aching back. I come home and my friend who is helping me lead worship for sunday came over, and we went on the porch in the setting sun to sing. It was as though the world, my day, balanced out again. My head was not in a tizzy anymore, and I felt at home and at peace.
It's amazing how when we are getting back to the basics of what we were created to do, which is praise His name, celebrate the gift that He gave to us of freedom, that is when everything is balanced. I feel right when I do, and that there is a Love worth this praise, that this freedom is so amazing that I want to, makes it all the more an easy fit.

Schedule Time!

Here is what I am taking this quarter:

Music Theory 3: Same class continuing, same teacher as last quarter.

History of Rock II: A continuation of the class I took sophomore year. Lots of fun people. The professor, if he wasn't a brilliant pianist, should be a stand-up comedian.

Class Voice 2: Basics of sining. I got moved up to the next level, I didn't realize how basic it was actually going to be.

Finance: Basics of financial accounting. The tests will probably be hard. It's a bit difficult to engage myself in the class, but I'm trying...

Autopsical Art: My professor is on this top 100 list of avant guard artists. His lectures are more like performance pieces with weird word associations, noises, occasionally teasing, tangent after tangent, half the time I cant understand him from talking so fast, but I feel like I'm learning something, really.

Trailerpark: The movie is still being made, gonna be quite a few all-nighters in the upcoming weeks.

Thank you Justin. I'm glad someone wrote this.

A Christian Responds the Iowa Gay Marriage Ruing

Bathe in it...

"We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words-to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it..."
C.S. Lewis

It Needs To Be Said

God is so good.

I wish that I could just run around outside yelling it because my heart is bursting, breaking at the seams. I have this visual in my head of this fabric heart with the seams pushed to their limits and slowly little beams of light break through the tiny holes around them, and them more and more seams break as the light becomes more powerful.

Warmth and joy are here.

His grace is completely mesmerizing me as I think about the brokenness, and the pain, and how all of that is healed and forgiven, and there is freedom for us to be complete in how we were created to be. My heart is broken for those who do not see it, who have not heard of this amazing Love, who have not heard that their heart can be engulfed by this Peace, who let their past or what they have done hinder them from experiencing true Life forever.

Not just some distant thing to toil for, but now, today, here. It's a letting go, it's a step off the dock, it's an admittance, then an embrace.



Don't mean to preach. &hearts

I Guess I Never Thought of it Like This.

Once again from The Shack...

The holy spirit character named Sarayu had asked Mackenzie why he thought they created the 10 Commandments...

"I suppose, at least I have been taught, that it's a set of rules that you expected humans to obey in order to live righteously in your good graces."
"If that were true, which is it not," Sarayu countered, "then how many do you think lived righteously enough to enter our good graces?"
"Not very many, if people are like me," Mack observed.
"Actually, only one succeeded-Jesus. He not only obeyed the letter of the law but fulfilled the spirit of it completely. But understand this, Mackenzie-to do that he had to rest fully and dependently upon me."
"Then why did you give us those commandments?" asked Mack.
"Actually, we wanted you to give up trying to be righteous on your own. It was a mirror to reveal just how filthy your face gets when you live independently."
"But as I'm sure you know there are many," responded Mack, "who think they are made righteous by following the rules."
"But can you clean your face with the same mirror that shows you how dirty you are? There is not mercy or grace in rules, not even for one mistake. That's why Jesus fulfilled all of it for you-so that it no longer has jurisdiction over you. And the Law that once contained impossible demands-Thou Shall Not...-actually becomes a promise we fulfill in you."

Teef.

Siblings.

3.28.09

These last few weeks have been incredibly revealing to me and the way that I have been living my life, this quarter especially.
After a tough winter quarter, then coming home to 707 and becoming re-centered on a few things, I could approach the end of the quarter with a bit of a better view on the decisions I needed to make, and how to look at the rest of the weirdness that happened towards the end. It helped immensely, just that bit of a refresher, and being around people who believe in me makes a huge difference I'm learning.

Coming home after a pretty relaxing finals week (I passed accounting! No more of it ever again!), and visiting 707 once more, there were so many revelations that my eyes became open to that I had been blinded to before. The most important one being that sin, no matter how much I can beg for the feeling to go away, completely traps me, 'entangles' me, until I am lost in this web, with what feels like no escape from the cyclical nature of the terrible attitudes, habits, actions, and view on relationships into which I had gotten myself this quarter. I learned that I cannot be free from it, from the web of ugliness, until I let Jesus into it. So often I just want to fix it myself, and become right again before I move on with my relationship with God, myself, and others, but... (and my ignorance amazes me), I don't know why I think I can do that on my own. I need God's strength to help with these revelations because I am the person who got me into this sloppy mess, so I certainly would not be able to reverse it by myself.

I am learning that the sadness and broken attitude that I had acquired over the last couple of months is just a natural reaction to the selfishness that I had been dwelling on this whole year, starting in the summer. At 707, Andy was talking about the definition of sin; that the second we take our eyes of the Lord and focus on our own junk, that is the beginning of the sin, and that is the start of the web that entangles. It's basically.... pride. Pride in a simple, yet poisonous form. Self-aware, self-engaging, self-encouraging, self-pity, self-love, self-hatred, self-etc. etc.... As soon as those terms can apply to anything that I had been thinking or feeling, I had turned from God... and looking back, I can see where this web had started.

This summer, when I was working three jobs to raise enough money for the now-cancelled trip to London, I had focused all my energy on getting there, preparing myself, because, sure I maybe thought that's what God wanted me to do, but it turned into a beast that overtook my focus, and while there was amazing spiritual growth in Eagle River over the summer with a lot of the people there, I was not very supportive of them because I had been focused too much on myself and my one goal, which didn't even turn out to be what God wanted. When that goal was taken away from me twice, when all the other things that had gained my focus, (boys, slipping grades, failing friendships, self-image, etc.) were being taken away, I was left empty, because those were what I had placed so much of my attention, care, worry, definition, everything into and I was stuck. I remember telling Andy and my friend Jeff that I didn't know the next step to take because I had been so abruptly halted. But, that attitude was still only focused on Makella. What step should I take, what do I need to do next, what decisions should I do... its cyclical, and its the web that I brought upon myself. These are only a few examples of how entangled I had become, it goes deeper then these few examples...

Sitting up at the board at 707 last weekend, Andy and Bryan were saying these words and in one of those moments where it felt like someone walked up to be and whacked me on the forehead, I realized... well hey.... maybe all this sadness in me is because of something else... not just the crap that happened... but because of me! I dug through my stockpiled memories of the last year, and like a camera zooming in, I saw myself stooped over a toilet working at one of the jobs from the summer saying to myself 'this is for London, it's gonna be great, I'm gonna have such a good time...' when what I should have been saying was 'this is for the Lord, if this is what He wants, this is what I will work for...' but never once had I said that the whole summer. Never once!

Throughout all of the entangling, and the removal of plans this past quarter, I began to slowly slip away from the good God I had once clung to so tightly. I was losing faith in the great plan he had for my life and my major, and I was growing blistered and cold to the idea of a God who cared enough about me to stop these things from happening at once, to stop the what I thought was neglect. In one moment in my kitchen I remember, slumped over the countertop, I had warned Him that if this stuff kept happening, I would become cynical to Him, untrusting and cold in regards to trusting Him. Threatening the God of creation...

Throughout all this, I had also been struggling with self-image problems (see the theme of selfishness?), reassurance was far off in my mind.. all of this because I had taken my view off of the good God who created me with Love. Why would I turn away? I never want to go back to that place again, that broken place where all I could see were my own failures, my own destruction, and how it was affecting those I cared about.

Andy said that week that "Jesus is the only hope I have to stop trusting in myself." God doesn't want me to be entangled, He has this race marked out for me, and I want so desperately to be free to run it. I can imagine that freedom, forever, of not being entangled... Andy asked what would the world look like if we all focused on the 'we' instead of the 'me'? Donald Miller reflects in Blue Like Jazz,

"For a moment, sitting there above the city, I imagined life outside of narcism. I wondered how beautiful it might be to think of others as more important than myself. I wondered what it would look like not to live in a house of mirrors, everywhere I go being reminded of myself."

I am reading The Shack by Paul Young. The main character was going through immense pain, and was meeting with God, and the God character in the book was speaking to the main character (it kind of reminded me of how I had been looking at God in those broken times). She says

"You don't really understand yet. You try to make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain, self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps, at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty. The real underlying law in your life... is that you don't think I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything- the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives- is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't.... Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me..."

The main character asked how he could change that... and the God character says

"You can't, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I 'm not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guild or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you."

Having trouble trusting God threw me off completely. I was failing to find the life that God had given me and failing to see Him working through me in all this. Lemme tell you, having the support of people who believe in me, helps immensely. I had been told by someone who I hold in high spiritual regard, that he could see the spark of Jesus alive in me... and I disagreed with him initially, but I decided later that night that I would try my absolute hardest to make what he sees in me come true. I want that spark to be alive in me... Andy had said that God sees Jesus all over me, no matter how much I think I mess up, He created me with that... and my friend Jeff says that no matter what I do, I cannot separate myself from His love. If all these amazing people believe that God is still living in me, then I need to live to uphold that, not to make myself look good, but because I desperately want to feel God living in me...

The untangling has begun. I can feel it deep in my veins, that this is true and right.
With those distractions taken away from me this quarter, I am free to really live in this, free to be open for what He desires, which is what I desire... free to love others and to see myself with Jesus all over me, as how I was created, and I am on the edge of my seat.

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1,2

Jesus died so I can be free.

We sang this song at 707 that week.

A thousand times I've failed,
Still your mercy remains,
And should I stumble again,
Still I'm caught in your grace.

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fad.es.
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out Lord.
Let justice and praise become my embrace,
To love You from the inside out.

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise...

From The Inside Out
Hillsong

These were my thoughts for the week.

Removals

Hello!
Who knows how this note will turn out seeing as I cannot sit upright with ease to type with both hands so this is a one hander... ha.

Just wanted to let you all know that everything went smoothly (all except the putting back in of the nose-ring... ha, thankfully FX let me hobble in for a prompt half-re-piercing).
My parents are awesome for driving me to the hospital by 6 am too!
Just a bit of pain/pressure but nothing some meds can't help.

Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers, God is good and I should hopefully be up-and-about soonly.

All my love,
M

Good things.

Good things are on the horizon.
I can feel them with everything in me.
I pray and pray and pray that I am ready and open for it all because He is good, forever good. I pray that I am able to live up to how He sees Christ in me as His child, and I pray that even though I have not done a good job in the recent past, that I am able to live with my eyes on Him everyday and exude that Joy that I feel bursting in my heart and the peace that pumps through my veins and keeps me alive, not just living, but alive because thanks to Him, I am alive in love forever.

There is peace and joy forever in this.

Classifieds.

If anyone hears of an internship in Minneapolis or Cleveland that is music related, please let me know.
Thanks!

Freedom.is.here.

Welp, I am officially finished with what was easily the most challenging quarter of my college career. The scene as of a half-hour ago was me, eating a sandwich from my favorite place in Athens to eat, grinning from ear to ear, and humming to myself as I walked home in the bright sun. I'm ready to get back to the Makella I am supposed to be, ready to face this (minor) surgery head-on, ready to look for an internship for the summer, ready to visit 707, and ready to relax.
Good things.


God is good, all the time.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows.
James 1:17

Wise friends.

This is from my friend Andy the teaching pastor at 707'sblog. I think it says a lot of what I believe about these issues. He's great.

I’m going to shoot straight with you. I’m not a liberal. I’m also not a conservative. I would also like you to know that I’m not a democrat, republican, libritarian, part of the green party or anything else.
Here’s what I am… I am a Christ follower. I am down with Jesus. I want to pledge my allegience to Him and spend all my time working to make Him known. I know this will upset some (almost everyone I know) but I don’t have a lot of time to waste when it comes to elections or political parties because I have been made new in Christ Jesus and because I’m new I’m part of His mission.

Not Obama’s. Not McCain’s.

You may be saying, “I saw you wearing that recycling shirt and I hear you’re not a big fan of war, you must be a liberal,” or you might be saying “you’re pro-life and have pretty well developed views on marriage and the family, you must be a conservative.” How can I be so confusing…

I think Rob Bell answers it best (yeah Rob Bell… I know what you’ll say about him too, but I like him so…)
The Kingdom of God is not a left or a right. The Kingdom of God is not a liberal or conservative…

'We are conditioned to think in dualities and so “is it liberal or conservative?” “is that a democrat or a republican?” “is that postmodern or is that modern?” “is that emergent or nonemerging?” or whatever.

The Kingdom of God is truth and life so the Kingdom of God plunders anybody’s agenda for good and true.

So even when people say “that sounds like a such and such cause…” IF IT’S TRUE IT BELONGS TO GOD! GOD OWNS IT, not that particular faction of people. And so when people say “you start taking care of the poor, what about Jesus?” or… “if you start studying the Bible you might not be active…”. The Kingdom of God is anywhere that the rule and reign of God is expanding on earth….

This would be an example [of the political edges]. Caring for the environment is not a Democratic issue, it is a Genesis 1 issue. If I met a woman here who’s pregnant and thinking about an abortion, I would instantly ask her if I could introduce her to 10 women who could tell her their stories because we are desperate for you not to make that choice. That is NOT a Republican issue, we want to affirm life and we believe that mistakes, in redemption, become opportunities for grace.

So any side that wants to say “well, we own this issue, or we own that issue,” YOU ONLY HAVE IT BECAUSE YOU BORROWED IT FROM GOD. So I’ve had people say “if you’re saying that you must be against the president,” or “you must be for the president.” I am simply trying to articulate the way of Jesus. I don’t care who’s for or against it, I just simply want to get the word out so everybody can do it….'

Analogy.

I love how things throughout the day remind me of The Big Picture.

Athens is warm right now, and foggy.
I have two thoughts about it.

1. The fog is so dense that while driving home, it was difficult to make out the details of the things around me. I knew where I was going, but it wasn't clear. There are halos that formed around the street lights and the only things out of the entire night on which the details are clear, are the street lights, the things keeping me safe, keeping me led, and illuminated, and on the right path. What's more, if I, on my own efforts, tried to lead my own by flipping on the fog-lights, the fog became even more dense. While the symbolism of my late-night reflection is pretty clear, about how we cannot lead ourselves home in without something illuminating our oath, and how sometimes our own efforts can even more confusion and muddle, and being reminded of how dependent and cared-for I am, is really comforting on uneasily-foggy nights like this one.

2. Weirdness has kind of been happening. Uncomfortable situations with a bunch of my friends, all of the same sort. A general uneasy mood about big things, big questions, big and difficult conversations have been happening, as well as this incredibly horrifyingly realistic dream I had this week have all converged on Athens. I asked a few friends to pray that whatever it is, the stress of finals, or something with deeper implications, is cleared away, and that God completely engulfs the city of Athens. This fog might not be the 'heed your steps' type of fog, this fog could me a sign of clarity to come, which is a good thought.

Light in dark places.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.
Ephesians 5:8

Hovering.

There is that constant urgency in the air; feeling as though I need to get something done and quick. I know that it's my final thats hanging over my head and coming up tomorrow.
Accounting. I'm having a bit of trouble with Return on Investment problems, and Net Present Value is a little iffy as well. It's not the end of the world if I have to re-take the class right?


Lots has been going on, kind of weird stuff actually, but since the weekend I went home I have been feeling a renewed sense of purpose, and my role in this world and what God want's me to be doing with my days. Next quarter will be incredibly uplifting and I am excited to have time to create and write and record and play outside.

I pray for clarity, for friends who are searching in the wrong places, for my footsteps to be guided, and for open eyes and an open heart that is aware of it all.


In Him.

Truth.

If you don't have time to watch all of them... please just watch the second one. And if you have a little more time, please watch the second one and the last one.











This really isn't it.. and they didn't even put the coolest stuff from this talk on youtube. Please please please please please watch the whole thing one day.

Clouds

Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads.

Clouds
As Cities Burn

What an amazing album. So true to the human sprit.

Humble Pie

List of embarrassing things I have done in the last two weeks (that I am aware of):

1. Got locked out of my apartment.
2. Said the wrong information during a presentation in front of my media class and the professor called me out (along with the rest of my group).
3. Tripped over a cord in my favorite coffee shop and everyone stopped talking to look at me.
4. Tried to get on the bus at the wrong time and the bud driver said I had to wait to let all the other people off.
5. Dropped my sunglasses in the toilet in the music building.
6. Spilled my chips and a bit of ice tea at the same coffee shop all over the floor.
7. Got locked out of my apartment again.
8. As I was waiting for the bus, my planner and all my accounting papers opened from the wind, as well as my music book and all the returned homework's, and proceeded to blow across the street and sidewalk at a pretty busy intersection. It took about five random passer-bys to help me clean it up. Mind you this is a stack of papers about an inch thick.... blowing around.
That last one just happened a half hour ago.

I like when stuff like that happens though, reminds me that I am human.

It's beautiful outside, hope everyone is enjoying the weather.