Scrooge?

So, I hate to admit it, but I've been a grouch the last few days. Downright unpleasant. I stayed up much later then usual and it threw me off and my immediate family could all be sharing the same cold and the weather and all those other excuses piled up and I've been a scrooge. So I had to work late, so what? So I'm 'alone' for the holidays, that is the dumbest reason to be down. So there's a million other reasons for me to feel bad about myself. I had completely forgotten what I am supposed to be focus on and praising God with all my might for.

Everyone has their own ideas about 'the real reason for Christmas.' Oh my gosh. That phrase should be copyrighted because it is uttered around every corner and in every family movie.
There is a reason why people decorate trees, buy presents, sing carols, celebrate in general. While, yes, it is great that people can have a good time being with family, but that's not the reason. Yes, it is wonderful that people feel more generous this time of year. Yes, being a friend, being cheerful, being charitable, ect... are all important aspects of 'the holidays' but they can't take the place of the real truth behind all the splendor.

There is a reason, and it is something that people (including me, see first paragraph) so often forget even though it is the most important event in human history.

These last few weeks leading up to Christmas are, as cliche as it sounds, supposed to be a time of hope. There were prophecies that a child would be born out of Israel (Numbers 24;17). There were rumors of a coming messiah, someone who would save all who believed in him, and it was happening soon. I couldn't imagine how exciting that would have been for the people of that time. I should have been anticipating and hoping and I forgot.

Everyone knows that story of Christ's birth, but to awe inspiring thing for me is that that little baby, who was born in an animal barn (if you have never been in an animal stall before, it is not a suitable, or comfortable, or a sanitary place to have a baby) is the King of all. This little infant child is God in human form. He wasn't cast down on a bolt of lighting glowing and floating around. He didn't grow out of the ground in a rumble of thunder. He didn't fly from heaven on the back of a flaming eagle. God was born in a smelly animal barn. Amazing.

With the birth of this baby came (comes) the promise that we can have eternal life. He is going to spend His life teaching humanity the best way to live. He is going to continue to be the king of all, but he becomes a humble king. Just as He was born in a barn, He continues His life in that manner, hanging out with fishermen, liars, tax collectors, prostitutes, murderers...

I forgot that.

Tonight at the midnight service, the pastor said that "in spite of their sheep, the shepherds went seeking." These last few days, I have been living the opposite. Because of my sheep, I have not been seeking. Because of that which hinders me, I stay where I am. I forget about the hope that can keep me moving, keep me going.

"Because here is where you're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?

To look back and think that this baby would one day save me...
That you were born so I might live.

And I, I celebrate the day
That you were born to die
So I could one day pray for you to save my life."

Relient K, "I Celebrate The Day"

Don't get me wrong, of course all those things I mentioned are important, but for me, the only reason why the world should be celebrating Christmas is because the One who rules everything was born, and He saved our lives. He saved mine and I should be eternally praising Him for that.

Have a good Christmas everyone.
Love, with holly and hope,
Makella

what's on my mind at the moment

Just some stuff.

So it's time for the holidays... which means that the holiday movies are playing on repeat on the family channels. And I remember watching these movies growing up, they kind of defined when the 'holiday season' started and I remember how cute and charming they were... I was baby-sitting the other night and my little cousins watch a Christmas movie every night so we settled in to watch the one for that night. It was something called "Lester the Long Eared Donkey" or something similar, and I was excited because I remember that one a little... but we started watching it and I think my perception of this movie was really skewed. I think as a child, I watched these animated movies through 'holiday-spirit' goggles and didn't really realize how not-jolly this movie is. The movie started out with the credits running to a happy song about Lester and his long ears, but the picture behind it was a slow motion montage of this poor little donkey tripping over long ears and crying on the ground while all the other animals laugh at him. Then as the movie progresses, the emperor needs donkeys to pull his entourage or something so a burly servant goes to Lester's barn and forcefully takes all the other donkeys. When he sees Lester, he tells the owner of the barn that he shouldn't try to sell him rejects and throws Lester at him while his poor mother watches from the pen not being able to do anything to help. After the servant leaves, he gets mad at Lester and throws him into a barrel of food, then outside into the cold. His mother is crying from the pen. After the owner goes away, the mother breaks out, finds Lester in the woods and lays on tip of him to keep him warm from the cold. Come morning, the mother is dead from protecting Lester from the cold and snow. I was on the verge of tears watching this. I could not believe that this was how a Christmas movie started out. Am I over-reacting?

I think that I didn't rinse all the shampoo out of my hair this morning because my head was (and still is) itching so bad at work today.

I've come to some conclusions about myself over this seven week long break at home. One of them, as cliche as it sounds, it that I define myself almost completely by what other people think of me, and maybe not even what they think but how they treat me. I've been finding myself being very sensitive when it comes to friendships and phone calls and who I hang out with over break, who doesn't call back, etc... I've always known that I do see myself as being worth only how members of the male sex treat me and the fact that I don't have much experience in that area was and has been hard for me because that is what I thought defined my self worth. I'm finding now that this is happening with friends and I really think it's time for a change. I really don't like thinking of myself in those terms, it doesn't feel good. So I'm going to work on that. A friend told me that I need massive amounts of God's truth to really make it a reality because it is going to take a mind-frame makeover of sorts so I can see myself as God sees me, which is what He has wanted from the start. I'm excited for this. I'm excited to be free of those self-pitying thoughts. I feel like Im on the cusp of something incredibly life and attitude changing for me and I'm excited to keep working on this.

MTV puts on their really awful, lets-try-this-out-for-a-few-episodes shows at midnight and later, and I was watching on called "The X-Effect" or something about X's, and the premiss is that a couple who used to date but are dating other people, are taken to a really nice resort to see if they still have feelings or each other. Their current significant others then, without the knowledge of the couple, stay in a different room of the resort to spy on them. They have a TV where they can see snippets of what the couple is doing together, they have a sensor that lights up when they touch each other, they have trackers on them so they know what room (what bed) they are both in, and there are moments when they only hear the audio of what is going on between them. Conveniently, the audio kicks on when the couple are making out, and the sensors show their others that they are sleeping in the same bed... I didn't watch the rest, I didn't know what to think of it all, so I switched to "What Not To Wear."

"I think everything in life should end in some sort of a burrito-ish reward"
-Matt Thiessen, Relient K

I hope that my rant about holiday movies doesn't damper your spirits. They still hold a special place in my childhood.

Hearts and Heros,
Makella

TSOAF

I love this... sorry, I know that Ive been putting up a bunch of youtube videos... This band, if you haven't heard of them, is made up of members from other bands, you'll probaby recognize most of them... and they only had four live shows on the west coast.. they have dancers and painters and it's all so intense and if you have the chance to get a-hold of their recorded stuff, it's brilliant, a sound engineer's dream. Anyways, enjoy some of these live videos of them...

I know you don't want to change
But nothing is ever what it used to be
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
With a copy in hand
Comforted by the lions of substance
A solitude parade
Grab the rope, hoist yourself up
And drift like ants in hose water.

These three angels used to be attourneys
It is such a serious thing to me
Oh, how I searched through the memories
It is such an experience for me
Silence creating bold letters
Like not and better
These three devils used to be apologies
These three angels used to be monuments
I tried to find that feeling from that letter
For my consistencies
It was such a painful thing to see
When the shadows didn't bend
Like now and then
These three devils used to be apostrophes
So I destroyed a monument
So what.

The Sound of Animals Fighting, "St. Broadrick Is In Antarctica"

This box is lovely that I made
You may open up whenever you're lonely
You know, there's nowhere left to go
You magnify the evidence
It correlates the angles
I'm staring in the wrong direction.

Well take back
When it's time for relief it's so
It's so hard reading you...
For if I leave your empty smile

Flesh is heretic
My body is a which
I am burning it
Wake up for this wish
And I resignate
I have seen my fate
I am sinking
Oh, captain I am sinking

...While everybody else could be fighting out
For all this, for all this
Well everybody else could be fighting
For all this, hope for all this, hope for

Secrets and irises open the door
To a pride of lions and a murder of crows
No one knows how I begin
But how I'll end...

You're focused in the reason why
I'm far beneath the answer
You're acting like a separation.

The Sound of Animals Fighting, "All Is Ash Or The Light Shining Through It."

Intense.

Thoughts Late at Night

I scribbled this down as I was laying down to sleep last night... It was written with a few different bands in mind... it all may sound nerdy when it's all done, but oh well... it's incoherent ramblings and probably doesn't make sense.

Their music creates a whole new emotion for me. If my mind is jumbled up and my hands are shaky, or when my shoulders are tense and I can't focus on breathing or real thoughts, the new plane their music creates for me speaks Truth that I can only feel in the chord progressions and instrumentation they arrange. To me, it is obvious that God guides their hands and ears as they produce this music and I can feel Him all the way to the tips of my fingers; like the push of a deep sea tide, or like the visual of a sunrise bringing light and color to all it touches, pouring over the surfaces; like oxygen filling my lungs, the holy sprit fills my body and brain until all I can focus on is the movement of the music and how it helps guide my breathing based on the crescendos and decrescendos of the songs.

Each song takes on a story or life or breathing presence of its own and I find myself experiencing different emotions with each.

While their music is not "perfect" in the technical sense (they are all incredibly talented) there are quick moments of perfection when all the vertebrae of my spine align and the Earth is right. I can feel Him specifially in those moments. But when the music is not "perfect" there is a real quality to it, becuase nothing is perfect truly except the One who created perfection Himself. The moments when the real instrument piano doesnt sync with the keyboard for a few measures for example, makes the music relatable. I think it is Gods way of keeping me focused on the realness of the music to keep my mind from automatically thinking "perfection" when I push play, which is an obvious falsehood.

It's the only thing I rely on to listen to to help me fall asleep when I'm not feeling myself or if I'm thinking sporadically.

The words that were chosen to be a part of the songs have a bit of urgency to them when they describe love (of course), and spirituality but they help outline and guide emotions because It's not only the words portraying these feelings but the combination of strings behind them or the way they are sang and the words. They almost become a part of the instrumentation in that they play an equal part along with the instruments in how I feel when listening to it all. I believe there are moments when His truths about life and human-ness (humanity?) and death and emotion and pain and Himself and my future are given through all of this and for that I am grateful because ultimately I want to become a part of bringing some of those truths to the world around me.

Margot and Dry Ice

Just some pictures of the Margot & The Nuclear So And So's show I went to a few weeks ago, and some pictures of dry ice my dad and I were playing with... I think this sounds like I'm desperate for something exciting to do... The quality is really bad because I officially don't have any way to edit pictures besides some cropping... I think I really need photoshop.... Anyone have an extra copy laying around?


Yes it does.







See the curly-q in the middle?

Wake up!

Wake up! Wake up!...
This is not a test!

Just what are you so afraid of?
What are you so afraid of?
You're staring truth in the face
So come on down
What are you so afraid of?...

Time is shorter than you know
I know the light is blinding to the naked eye
So why don't you take steps away from being alone?
I swear, it's not too late for you

It's all worth reaching for
It's all worth reaching for
It's all worth reaching for
The hands to pull you out

Wake up! Wake up!

-Underoath, In Regards To Myself

oh my gosh.

I am so excited to get this DVD for Christmas. it makes me want to go to Iceland and sit in the woods... Something about the music they create moves the inner-most part of my soul. If you have the chance, please go buy this, or just watch it, it will move you.

something i just watched

It's a little intense but I jsut watched it and thought it was pretty cool editing. If you don't like them, you might appreciate the video independant from the band and the screaming and such, if that makes sense...

&hearts

"Music is well said to be the speech of angels; in fact, nothing among the utterances allowed to man is felt to be so divine. It brings us near to the infinite."
-Thomas Carlyle

The Gods Aren't Angry Tour: Rob Bell 1/2/07 Cleveland OH

So yes, I finally got to hear Rob Bell in person, and I talked to him (only for a second), but non-the-less... I talked to him... sorry, I'm excited... really excited...

I took notes and said I would put them up here... hope they make sense and all that.
Enjoy!

ps, they are kind of long..


12/1/07 Rob Bell
Allen Theatre
Cleveland OH
“The Gods Aren’t Angry” Tour

Cave Women- realizes there is a greater force providing the plants she eats
Cave Husband- recognizes the spirit of the hunt
-they also see a ball of light at night that changes on a 30 day cycle
-realizes the rhythm of the body
-they realize feeling between each other, feel the new life grow inside of her

‘Fundamental life essence’- breath, deep primal invisible life force inside them
-dependence of forces beyond her control, manipulation, but need it for survival

Original people of the world named the forces to understand them
Systems of naming:
Mesopotamians- gods of El, Mat, etc…
Sumerians- gods (god of beer)
Babylonians- gods
Greeks- gods- Artemis goddess of hunting and also protection of small animals

Trend developed- must keep the forces on our side, favor of the gods
-idea off gesture to forces set aside crops, something important etc..
-“offer up” something on an altar or high place
-emergence of priests to help with sacrifices
-forces act like humans (get angry, want more, etc.)

Altar- had a fundamental flaw
-if gods give abundantly people could easily offend so they have to offer more to continue he abundance
-if they don’t give abundantly, then maybe the people didn’t offer enough
[vortex] The people don’t know where they stand with the Gods
Primal anxiety

Some people would cut themselves, offer their own blood to the gods or their favor
Kibula – mother goddess of Sardis Turkey
-she is eternally procreating for the benefit of followers
-males had to castrate themselves and place it on the altar
Aztecs- recently found 42 children’s remains to earn favor
Incas- a practice to wrap a child up and place it on altar while suffocating

Slippery slope- have to keep offering that which is of value
Molec (god)- have to throw 1st born into the fire

The Bible- is not detached. It comes from within these stories of history, within the culture
-told in Sumerian culture, story of Abraham is seen different
Abraham is told to heave his fathers house because the divine wants to be with him
-According to Sumerian culture, the gods were somewhere else and detached but in story of Abraham, the divine was involved in human time and space
No one ever proposed the idea of a God like this with God and humans connecting

Abraham was told to ‘leave his father’s household’ meaning to leave his father’s worldview, his father’s view of the gods and altars, etc..

Aside; people tell stories to understand this new concept one of them is that Abraham destroys all of his fathers idol statues and leaves the axe in the remaining god’s hands. When asked why this happened Abraham dais that the one wanted to be dominant. His father asks why, because they are lifeless statues that he made himself, and Abraham asks ‘why worship them?’

God tells Abraham that he will bless him with descendants as numerous as the stars
-the Sumerians worshipped th stars
*This new God uses the other gods as props to make a point

Genesis 22- Abraham has a son, and God tells him to take his son who he loves (1st time word ‘love’ is used in the Bible) and offer him up as a sacrifice.
-he has his son on the altar and the knife is raised when a messenger from God comes and tells him to stop and use the ram stuck in the bush
This God is a God who provides

Abraham doesn’t say ‘no,’ ‘why,’ or ‘how’ because he is not surprised with the idea o sacrifices and offering
-perhaps because it is not a new idea?
-the story is ended with the emphasis on God providing, and not the greatness of
Abraham
**A whole new kind of God**

This God doesn’t demand, he provides so you don’t have to offer something

*Abraham has nothing to do but trust that God will provide
-this God says ‘you have my favor, can you trust
*the divine and human relationship built on TRUST

Leviticus; “B-grade slasher film with no plot”
-instructions on how to kill things
-arose with in actual points of history
Instructions of 5 sacrifices:
(Spelling?)
1. Olah- blood
2. Minhah- grain
3. Shelamin- peace, give some but keep most for yourself, make a meal, “shalom”, peace meal to celebrate peace with God
You can know where you stand with this God
4. Hattah-sin
5. Hasham- guilt
-you can offer something and walk away knowing that the case was closed, there was no anxiety, you know where you stand
These ideas are dragging the culture foreword: there is a worldview that came out of these 5 sacrifices
Temple of King Herod- 2.3 million stones with a drainage system for all the blood because of hundreds of thousands of people who sacrifice

Sadducees- priests who kept a portion of the money offered, became very wealthy
-they made a profit off of the fear and guilt of the masses
-the system was built on violence
-had a relationship with the Roman soldiers who protected the system with violence
-a threat to this system was a threat to the way of life of the priests

Jesus; says that something greater then the temple is Him
-that there is a new way to God through Him
*so the old system is irrelevant
Profits are performers-Jesus drove out the money changers in a dramatic gesture

Jesus says that the system is corrupt
-the Sadducees begin to plot to kill him

In John- Jesus says that he will destroy the temple and rebuild it in 3 days- referring to himself

So they killed him- Romans tortured him to say to the masses ‘this is hw it goes for those who rebel’

Jesus experiences tons of injustices
-he doesn’t defend, he just takes it
*because here is something greater happening through him
If he resorted to violence, would he be offering anything new?

Paul says- the stories circulating about the resurrection raises questions about the old system of sacrifices

So does your God need you to kill something for your relationship?

Is your God incapable of love unless you hurt something?

What is your God like?

So we have the same primal deities, the same old gods?
-people carry guilt with them
Have we really come a long way?

Profits of Baal cut themselves 3000 years ago, and a high school girl does the same thing…

For the first Christians- Jesus’ death was not just an act or martyrdom for a small group of people at a certain time
-for them, this even stretched to all people

They began searching or deeper language to describe this;
Hebrews- Jesus appeared at the ‘culmination of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself’
-it was a turning point, everyone is invited to a new era of human progress
*the writer turns the cross into an altar,
-death into sacrifice
= the ultimate offering on a metaphorical altar, the last sacrifice

Something greater is now here

Paul says- Jesus’ blood on a cross is God making peace with all things in heaven and Earth through this act
-reconciling to Himself

This God has made peace with you instead of, what do I have to do for his favor?

Primal anxiety- what do I have to do to make peace with the divine?
Now with Jesus- you never have to ask that again
Which is GROUNDBREAKING!!
So there were questions raised about religion in general…

Psalms- God says that is he was hungry, he wouldn’t tell us, he doesn’t need the blood of animals, all the bulls are his.
Micah-says that blood doesn’t please God
Hebrews-sprinkling of blood was for humans conscience
-help humans deal with sin, not feeling good enough, etc.. and how there feeling own us.

Repentance- according to the 1st Christians is what you do naturally when you understand that God already made peace through the death of Jesus
-it is a celebration/response/trust to what God has already done

Nature of the ritual- only point of a Christ centered ritual is to remind you of the peace that has already been made


New testament image of altar- sacrifice is to do good for others
-offer yourselves as living sacrifices

The world needs to see the sacrifice so is it our job to put the flesh to it

This God isn’t angry because this God is love.

Yes

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

~ C.S. Lewis

tribute to bryce avery

I vowed when I created this blog that it would become a place where I would talk about the happenings in my life... mostly about stuff I have learned, stuff God is showing me, etc...

But...

I went to The Rocket Summer show a few days ago and want to share it with you...
Basically, it was one of the best sets Ive ever seen. It was really tight technically, there were great transitions between songs, and Bryce did an amazing job switching instruments (he played piano, guitar, bass, and drums throughout the show). I am so happy that I got to see his talent with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears. He was quite the showman as well with his bleach blond hair flying. I love it when artists look like they are having fun on stage...

To top it off, he was so courteous taking pictures with people and signing things (not my things though). I just shared with him how important his music is to me. It is so great to see someone as solid in his faith play to a crowd who probably didn't know, but who just heard the love and message of God without really realizing it. God is good.

The picture of him on drums is not the best but I wanted you to see for yourself.

Happy sailing!

Ahhh

It's finals week....


But when there is rain on the brick streets late at night in Athens, that suddenly doesn't matter at that moment.

Thank you Lord for these nights.

Prayers

All of you cyber people out there in the internet world, please pray with me.

Lord, please help me to see the Joy in everything. Please help me to look at myself with your eyes; help me to see myself as no less then a child of yours, lovingly made with care. Please help me to always know that I am being used for your purposes and please help me to remember that because you made me, I have importance, that my life means more just going from day to day.
Thank you for knitting me together in my mothers womb. Thank you for giving me this life and please help me to use it to prepare me for my life eternal. I am yours Lord, please use me.
~Amen

"So in this hour
Everything I do
Will be all for this moment
Everything's for you
My heart is open
And willing
So take it...

...So please take my life
And use it
I'm ready..."
~The Rocket Summer, "So, In This Hour..."

hello.

Reflection

This is how I responded after reading Luke 15 and the parable of the lost sheep... I know it's a familiar bit of scripture and I even learned a song about it when I was really young, but the more I read Jesus' teachings in parables, the more I find I can apply them to my life... it's not the best writing, but it just came out.

As my young and inexperienced lags lead me away from the pack, away from the beaten road easy on my tender feet, open and safe; as my own judgement, my own decision leads me away, down a path which at one point, seemed the better way, seemed attractive, but as the thorns tear at my pink skin, as the land becomes rocky, jagged and steep, as I slip on the rocks in the dark, I am having second and third thoughts about this.
Right as i am at the steepest place, where I cannot find my footing, as my week legs can not bear to hold my weight, I cry out.
The paint of the rocks and thorns, the fear of what I cannot see, my self pity and embarrassment, and my need for safety, well up in my throat and I let out a cry so pitiful that even the hardest of hearts would turn soft. As I begin to wonder if my cries were in vain, I feel a strong yet oh so gentle grip lift me off my frail wobbly legs. I feel secure as I am lifted on His back; too high for the thorns and rocks, gently and carefuly I am carried back to safety, back to the right path.
As we near, I hear a voice so filled with love and rejocing say "you were lost, but now you are found," and I am home, I am safe. For all the while that I was on the wrong path, He was still loving me and rejoiced when I cried out to Him.

So cry out to Him.
If you can feel the thorns,
cry out because He is there,
waiting to lift you onto His back.
He rejoices when you do because He is your father.

Please and Thank you

"There's a love that transcends all that we've known of ourselves
and Ill wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come

Well it's got to be strong to touch my heart through it's shell
and I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come."

-Copeland, "Coffee"

And Finally...

Kinda dark..




This is my favorite picture ever.













This is the last installment of my favorite pictures... there might be more in the far future...

More pictures

Pictures

So... It's Been a While...

Right, sorry it's been a while since I've posted (if anyone noticed), but I was away this weekend at Fall Retreat for Campus Crusade (which I'm descipeling with this year), and it was really great. The weather was perfect, and the area was absolutly gorgeous. The camp was surrounded by mountains and its the time of year when the leaves start changing and the mountain-sides are speckled with all sorts of warm colors... I could feel God in those mountains.

Well, I have been working on some things in the days since retreat... and Im going to share some of the things I've learned.

My busy schedule is preventing me from hearing God speak in my life. When there is not time to read His words or hear His voice, how am I to know how to live?

I am going to invest more in my relationships with my sisters in Christ.

I am trying not harbor jealousy, and I am trying not to compare myself with others, people are different.

I not going to tear down those that I care about by putting them down or being blatantly sarcastic.

I am going to be respectful of those younger or with different levels of experience than myself.

I am not gong to act differently around different people.

I am not going to act differently around my brothers in Christ. I am not going to use them and I am going to love them because they are my brothers.

I am going to build others up.

So, yeah, it was a really good weekend, I became a lot close with the people in Campus Crusade and learned a lot about myself.

Oh, if you have never stood up in a car while the sunroof is open with the car is going 60mph and there are painted mountains around you, you should put that on your list of things to do.

Thoughts

There are times when I am questioning.
Questioning that this is what is supposed to happen, that I should be studying music production or music at all. Just becuase I am interested in it, should I be dedicating my life to it? Should I have picked something more "practical" and risk being bored or unsatisfied?

I know that my purpose in this world is to spread God's love. I am here to be a servant; to show His love to those around me.

I have very specific plans and ideas in my head about how I am going to use music production (ir possibly performing) as my particular ministry but what if I made that up?

There are times when I think about my future and I feel like I am stumbling through a darkened room, knocking around to find my way.
But there are times when, like a beam of pure white light, something will happen. A moment will happen that feels like the gears of the world are rotating tandomly, like the cosmic gasses coming together to form a white hot star, like the spokes of my life are slotting into place and fit. And when these moments happen, my heart beats with it and I feel that it is right, that I am being guided steady and patiently through the darkened room which doesn't seem quite so dark.

Music is something that keeps me moving. I have this passion and peace and there is a reason for this. I am not supposed to just toss this passion to the side to pursue something safe and "practical." I am going to use it, to the best of my abilities. Maybe it is not through recording or production, but it is going to happen. I was to glorify Him using this passion for music.

There is something about it that moves people. It can reach into the hardest, darkest parts of people. It can inspire, it can bring people together in deeper ways, it comforts, it influences, it soothes and excites. There is perfection in music but there is also assymmetry; completed or open-ended; resolved or conflicted. Flowing. Spiking. Seamless and separated.
I can breathe with it.
I can feel God (Holy Spirit) more so in music that any other thing or experience in this world. I have felt the intense peace and perfection that can only come from the Author of Peace. My soul is thick and heavy with it, drunk with it, saturated and full and there is joy.
God has blessed this world, the world around me, with the perfection that is music and I pray that I can use it, forever for my life.

"O Praise Him" David Crowder

This chapter in his book Praise Habit came at the best time... I hope you enjoy it.

O PRAISE HIM (ALL THIS FOR A KING)
words and music david crowder

"I've only been angry at the entire human race on two occasions. Well three, but two times I was really angry. Now I know we've done some pretty atrocious things to one another at different moments throughout history so I don't want to appear trite or oblivious to some horrific events that have been apart of our collective experience when sharing my two moments of anger with you. I am not ignoring the wars or marginalized peoples or hate crimes or the holocaust or on and on. No you see these moments are almost expected. Historically we look back and see this as a part of the human condition. But the two moments I really lost it with you guys were not expected. The first time was about 9 yrs ago. It was my first time to fly on a plane. I of course was quite nervous, understandably so. I mean it just makes no sense, a bulk of metal floating in air. I had read about the Bernoulli principle and lift force and all. How lift force is caused because there is more pressure below the wing than above it due to its curved on top, flat on bottom shape. The faster the plane moves, the more air passes above and below the wing, so the greater the difference in pressure. Once the lift force is more than the weight of the airplane, the plane takes off. I had read all of this somewhere. But please, a bulk of metal floating in air?
I was nervous. It was raining outside which added to the nerves. We boarded the plane. I had a window seat. I said hello to the elderly gentleman sitting next to me and told him it was my first time to fly. He started talking about Bernoulli and I said, "I know. Thank you very much." and began reading the emergency evacuation card. I counted the seats between the exit row and me. We taxied to the runway, the pilot announced to us all that we were "cleared for take off" and then I was pressed to my seat by the amount of acceleration necessitated to create enough "lift force". It worked! The Bernoulli principle worked! We climbed through the rain and then disappeared into a gray fog. Looking out the window I could see nothing. Just gray. Gray, gray, gray and then...oh my word. We broke through the clouds and it was the most stunning thing I'd ever seen. The sun was a brilliant orange red just above the horizon, which, was puffy white, almost ocean like, reflecting and retaining color all at the same time. It was heavenly. I couldn't breath it was so gorgeous. As I sat there in complete awe I began to realize I was feeling something completely unexpected. I was angry. I mean really, really angry. I was mad at the old man sitting next to me. I was mad at Bernoulli. I was mad at my parents. I was mad at everyone, all of you. How had no one told me? I knew scores of people who had flown on a plane. Why didn't someone, anyone tell me it was this beautiful? Why hadn't you stopped me on the street and said "so, so sorry, I don't know you at all but you simply must fly in a plane on a cloudy day. It's the most beautiful moment imaginable when you finally burst through the gray. It's so peaceful and angelic up there. Here's $499 go anywhere you like just go now!" I was so mad! I stopped the flight attendant as she walked by and said, "Do you see this? Is that not incredible?" "What?" she said. I hated her. I tell everyone I know about this. I tell you now. It will take your breath away.
I've flown quite often since then. In fact being that most of what I do involves travel I fly most every month and some weeks every day. I always ask for a window seat. And I've grown to love airplanes and Bernoulli. There is this sound that is only the sound of sitting in an airplane. The sound of air, this whirring hiss that itself is a little angelic. You can cup your hands to your ears almost covering them completely and come close to duplicating it but not quite. You hear that? The only way I know to describe it is airy. Well during one of my flights I was listening to this sound and looking out the window at waves of white clouds with sunlight turning a section of them yellow and this phrase popped into my head, "all this for a king". I had this image of an ocean of angels in song and their voices like none ever heard. English probably not the language of choice and for some reason in my head it seemed like the sound of air, a sound that contained all the pitches and tonal colors at once and was at once overwhelmingly beautiful and compelling, reflecting and retaining all at once. I started thinking about the well-known passages from Revelations where John is given a brief glimpse into the heavens to find a chorus existing eternally. I recalled the Psalms when the Psalmist describes the heavens and earth as constantly telling the glories of God. Thinking about the reality that we exist to be apart of this resounding anthem. We are here just for this - all for a King. The King.

The second time I was angry with you was when I was in Hawaii and tasted pineapple there. Why didn't you tell me? "

16 Wishes

1. Joy in everything
2. To learn
3. To love all others
4. Self-forgiveness
5. Thankfulness always
6. A secure future
7. A healthy lifestyle
8. An understanding husband in the future
9. A good n ight sleep
10. A crisp fall day
11. A worry-free fall day
12. Comfort
13. A good belly laugh
14. To let go
15. Hope
16. Live a life of His love

musiclists

Music at the Moment:
-The Rocket Summer
-Saosin
-Underoath
-The Format
-The Sounds of Animals Fighting

Music Last Year:
-Emery
-The Devil Wears Prada
-Margot & the Nuclear So and So's
-The Audition

Music from Childhood:
-Backstreet Boys
-Hanson
-B52's
-Nsync
-The Lester Finn Experiment

Music Always:
-Relient K
-Copeland

The Creative

God is in the hands of the creative ones.
He is in the eyes, the ears, the pencil, the fingers of those who make the beautiful.
He guides the brushes; He is in the words of the creators.
For beauty glorifies Him, He is comfortable in beauty because He is a creator, He is The Creator, The Ultimate Creator.
He paints sunsets, He sews petals, He swims in colors.
And as we are filled each morning by the light of the sun, He is creating, forever.

Procrast

Ahh the beauty that is Procrastination... I have two midterms tomorrow and really should by studying..... oh well.

At this moment, I feel as though I am an old blanket that has been torn, put through the wash cycle, patched up, and threadbare. This week, it is as though a force (known as 'midterms' and 'not much sleep') has a hold on one of my threds and is laughing as I trudge through, all the while unraveling... untill there is nothing left but a few scraps, a few small bits that can have no other use but one thing... to be sewn back together by the Great Sewer. I know that when this is all done, He will take what is left of my tattered self and put me back together, steadily and powerfully. He will put the stitches in by hand, each one with love, and each one perfect and beautiful and strong, each one serving a purpose that is great. I may not see them now, but when the haze has cleared from my head and when my concerns are nothing but bits of memories, He will have started His work, and I will be better than new. It is going to be wonderful.

Lord, please help me to be patient through these hazy times, please help me to keep my eyes and ears on you, and please Lord, help me to stay encouraged that your careful hand is working. Please help me to have faith that I will be better than new when this is all over. Thank you for putting me back together.
Amen

Perfect Timing

So I read this right after after I had talked to someone about being broken before God... it is wonderful.
Its from a book called "Hiding in Plain Sight" by Molly Wolf

"The warm, strong force of the Resurrection- God's powerfully, terrifyingly alive love breaking through and sinking into us, as the new year's warmth sinks into this thawing land and water. It swells up under our walls, breaking and tumbling them, as the earth's swell breaks and tumbles a stone wall. We are craked open, gently in thats what God knows we need, less gently perhaps if we're tougher nuts, because it is indeed "the crack in everything" that lets the Light get in.

And the, when we're broken and helpless as babies once again, we find ourselves being tenderly held and released into a new softness and gentleness and trust, where we can be free and loving once more, and truly, resiliently strong, no longer rigid. Paradoxically, the more we allow our walls to be broken, the more we find how little we really needed them. The more we die, the more alive we become. The more we trust, the less reason we have to be fearful."

Enjoy!

Reflection

When you are walking in the light that comes from God, this warm friendly light that cascades over you like pearls, you are free.

It may start out scary becuase when you are in the light, there is nothing to hide... you might not want to see the ugly things you've tried to hide in the shadows. You may think you are too grotesque to stand in the light, naked and exposed.

But...

There is such a feeling of freedom...
You don't have to hide, be embarrassed or ashamed, because God's love is covering you like a robe.
His love doesn't care about your scars; He was scarred so you dont have to see yours in the light. He doesn't care if you're ashamed because He faced embarrassment so you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

You don't have anything to hide in shadow because it is impossible for there to be shadows when there is Ultimate Light.

Step into this light; let it cascade onto you like the opening of window shades.
Let it pour over you like golden water.
Let it free you.
You will feel safe.

Rob Bell

So those of you who know me, most likely know that I love Rob Bell... He brings a new perspective to scripture and the Christian faith and he worked at the same camp I used to go to! (not while I was there infortunatly).. He also went to Wheaton and I love everyone who goes/went to Wheaton so yeah. I could go on and on...

Anyways, his second book, Sex God, is really amazing and if you could please just click on the link and read the first chapter, you will be blown away... I was. Then you should go and buy the book becuase you will not regret it at all...

http://www.sexgodtour.com/SexGod_SampleText.pdf

Hopefully it works, enjoy!