Educate.

Well Hello!

So I've been talking about this subject with some people recently and I think I should write down my thoughts about it!

Where to begin?....

My experience with education has been quite varied and I consider myself blessed to have the experiences that I did. I believe that they both played an integral part in the person I am today and continue to develop into. There are so many moments throughout school where I can do nothing but look back and smile upon.

From the age of three until ninth grade, I attended a Montessori school. For those who don't know, Montessori schools are amazing places where the independence of the child is important, the work is hands-on, and personal development is taken seriously. There is so much entailed in Montessori schools and I love to talk about it, so if you want to know more, just ask me!
The atmosphere is really open and the children are encouraged to be who they are. I had so many amazing experiences and warm memories from grade-school... In regards to my relationship with God, there was no doubt in my mind that there was a God. It was ultimate truth to me at that point and my parents did an amazing job raising me in a household where God was (and is) an integral part of our everyday lives. My whole life has been bathed in prayer and support.

For middle school, I attended the first land-based Montessori school called The Hershey Montessori Farm School. The name doesn't lie, it was a working organic farm which the students lived (it was part boarding school) and worked on to develop life skills as well as intense and exciting academic work as well. At this amazing school, we learned science through studying the animals on the farm (there were ponies, cows, pigs, rabbits, dogs, cats, goats, sheep, and more), through going out and testing the water in the ponds, through doing projects out in the woods, making maple syrup, and working with a college field station on projects as well. The 99 acres of woods was a perfect place for us to learn, play, and be kids. For physical education, we could do horseback riding, if we wanted. We would work on the farm once a week fixing things, cleaning barns, working in the sugar-shack to make syrup, and we would also work in the kitchen to help prepare the homemade meals that were served everyday. I have amazing memories of riding the pony after lunch out to the blueberry bushes and munching on the berries while the pony (Candy was her name) munched on the leaves, then we would go for a rides on the trails in the woods; hopping over logs. It was a beautiful place always filled with music, amazing food, and adventures to be had.

It was also a challenging place in that the spiritual beliefs of the students were quite varied. The staff had very liberal religious beliefs and challenged us to think for ourselves which was good, but was scary for me because I was starting to look at myself and my belief in God differently. I had decided that I did not like they way that some of the other students were living (not really caring about much spiritually, not placing importance of the heavy things of the world, etc.) and I knew that I didn't want to live like that, but I was not sure how to go about that. There was a period where I was judgmental, prickly, and distancing, and took it as a personal offense when my beliefs were challenged. Looking back on those times, I can see that it was because I had never been challenged like that before. With prayer and fellowship from family and youth group, I overcame those fears and started developing my faith into my own; something that I was comfortable with. Ninth grade was amazing because I as no longer scared of the other students around me, and I began trying to live out the life that Christ envisioned for me, instead of trying to preach or judge. I could see the people around me as real people and not just as lost souls trying to tear me down. The Farm was such a haven of learning and development and I certainly did my share of both during my time there. Please, if you have children, send them there. Ha.

My search for a high school also began in ninth-grade. The public school of the area was alright, but I had wanted a place where my passion for performing could be utilized and after seeing my cousin in the musical senior year, and after some discussion with family, we decided that Lake Catholic was the place for me. I remember visiting and being extremely nervous and thinking that I had never been a place with that many students all wearing the same thing and sitting desks! I felt like someone going to a foreign country and knowing nothing about their customs or language even... (what do the words "period," "eucharist," and "locker-combination" mean?). I remember feeling welcome but a bit out of place. I made the dance team and show choir and quickly latched on to the friends that I made there who helped me find my ways around, find my locker and sit next to me in class. The girls on dance team with me were my first friends there and I am thankful for the experiences we had together. Making friends with the older students in my classes (I was a year ahead in math and science) was great, and I really felt welcome in that group. I was a bit awkward with the transition and high school took some getting used to and I know that the people there had to get used to me. One of my favorite memories was the first time the school had a mass and we were taking communion, I did not know the traditions and ended up taking the eucharist and saying "thank you" instead of bowing and making the sign of the cross.

Taking leadership roles was a natural step because I felt like I needed to be involved in many different areas of the school, especially the religious areas because I felt like I had a lot to offer being an outsider and coming from a much different background then 98% of the students there. I became known with the teachers, the other students, and it felt good. The peak of it came when I received a lead role in the musical and started singing at school and sporting events. In my mind, I though I was receiving the respect that I had deserved and the moment that I started thinking highly of myself was the moment that God did not seem so important. I was foolishly fooling myself into thinking that the status that I was gaining was because of my own doing, and even though I though I was happy, it was a superficial happiness compared to God's ultimate Joy that was waiting for me on the other side of the fence that I refused to approach. I kept up the facade of not drinking for the new friendships I was making because I felt like I had something to prove and nothing more. I tried my hardest to fit in by changing the way I dressed, the way that I spoke, and what I did on the weekends. For the most part, excluding a few bumpy parts, junior year was a fun ride and a time to put things on the resume for college. My faith that God was guiding my footsteps was not important to me.

Summer before senior year, I was signed up to work at a Christian camp in Wisconsin with my friend. I had attended it as a child and agreed to go back while I was still invested in my relationship with God, but as the year went one and I was slipping out of it, I knew that I would have to either face up to my lack of faith or just put on a face until the summer was over. My friend ended up dropping out, so I was going to be there alone; alone with my thoughts and my fake exterior.
So I tried the second option. It didn't last long because God filled me so much that summer and I re-realized that I have a purpose on this earth and it is to serve Him with my life. I left that amazing place that summer walking on air and excited to return to school with a new outlook.

Senior year was a time of growing. I was still working on being my own self and seeing myself as God sees me (which I still struggle with), I was struggling with some problems with guilt, and I was still struggling with trying to conform in my own ways, but through all that I was learning that the leadership positions that God was placing me in were to be used to glorify Him and not myself. Using them to showcase my own talents and social abilities was not in His plan for high-school and I regret not seeing that earlier, but God used all of it, every trial, every good time, every friendship, however short or long they were, to guide me and show me the path for my feet to follow. He lovingly cradled me that year. My family was with me every step of it as well. They supported me in my successes and failures and I am so blessed for them to be in my life.

So here I am.

Just about to complete my second year of college, it is so easy for me to see how almost every situation that I was placed in in middle school and high school was being used to help me while Im here at college and beyond. I can still recall skills learned at my time in Montessori which help me to this day, as well as the spiritual growth that occurred in high school which God is still helping through moments here at OU. Hindsight is 20/20 with my experiences with school, and I pray that God is using my moments here now for the future. I know that if I seek Him in all areas of my life, I will not be led astray. If I happen to fall away, God will be waiting with open arms, as He always is. This passage in Proverbs 30 reminds me of that time and it continues to be my prayer...

Give me enough food to live on, neither too much not too little. If I'm too full, I might get independant, saying 'God, who needs him?' "

Lord, thank you so much for the experiences that I have had and that they have helped shape me for today. Thank you for being patient and loving and for showing that through my family and friends. Thank you for giving me just the right amount of food to live on. You're amazing Lord.