Winter.time.

This is Makella's winter (so far).
































We are in the middle of a Category 3 storm. Did you know that it is illegal to drive in a Category 3 storm?
I didnt.
Good thing I am out of gas.

We ran outside in our yard without shoes last night, and played football in our bathing suits today because it is the first snow day OU has had since I've been in college.

It was snowing, then it was pouring down rain, then snow again. There is a frozen lake in our yard that isn't supposed to be there.

I needed a day off of school, and not having to get up for my 8 am class was a plus.
It is easy to get down during this type of weather.
It is easy to get inside myself and think about stuff that I don't want to think about.
Everything is covered in a layer of ice;
But the sun came out for five minutes and the ice caught it and everything lit up like yellow fire. Like everything was layered with silver and gold. Even the bits of grass showing caught the sun. Maybe there is a deeper lesson in there.
There is beauty under the ice.
There is Light and Glory in spite of the cold, in this case, because of it.

You will see me through...

The words are not there when you cannot grasp,
Your heart is scared, where can you go?

(The turbulent sea and the storm)
Through matters of every kind,
(The sails are torn, the ache of scorn)
Your words we will find.

You will see me through.

You will see me through.

Not on ambiguous components of deceit,
The inner workings, motivations replete,

(I neither know nor need to know)
Subterfuge of thoughts so slow,
(My need is to depend on you)
For you will see me through.

Glorious, my glorious,
I feel you breaking down on me.

Glorious, my glorious,
I feel you breaking down on me.

I feel you breaking down...
You will see me through.
Even though my heart is scared.
You will see me through.
Even though my heart is scared.

See Me Through
Edison Glass

Even when I feel like I am going through the storms, even when I have distanced myself from you, you are there. Even when my heart is so frightened and I can't feel your touch, you will see me through.
I need to depend on you.
I need to depend on you.
I can't do it on my own, I can't keep flailing through these days without you.
I can't keep doing the same things without any movement, without any forward motion, without any of your sparkle.
I'm clutching desperately with my own pitiful strength, like a crazed drug-addict, knuckles white...

But when I finally let go, you will break me down. You will break down on me, and I willl be crushed by your glory.
Crushed and repaired again,
And again,
And again...

Chance?

Chance
Uploaded by titounetsan

You should really watch this, to me, its more and more proof that there is a loving God.

You Got it Goin' On.

Hope this isn't too inappropriate, but I think it's kind of funny.

I borrowed this from Andy.

No problem can be solved from the same level of thinking that created it.

Albert Einstein

Am I...?

Alright, I would like everyone to be frank with me.

Am I snobby when it comes to music? I feel as though I sound like I am quick to judge when it comes to other people's music tastes. I don't want to judge them and I don't want to seem like I am...

People's music tastes really aren't that big of a deal looking at the big picture and looking and how I relate to people, but unfortunately I think my brian has made it into a bigger deal then it should be made.

I am reading a book in my english class that seems to have been written by someone who is older and who does not have a good grasp of the scope of what today's music looks like and while reading it, I find myself either rolling my eyes, or becoming kind of judgmental.

Music is important to me, yes, but why am I so quick to write people off by what they say about music? When did I become like this??

I am sorry if anyone has ever felt judged by me in person or by the things that I have said in my blog. That is completely not my intention. I love you all and it really isn't that big of a deal what you chose to listen to. If it brings you joy, then I am extremely happy to share in that with you.

Trends Good and Better

American Apparel




M.I.A.



Some things that I noticed about the scene a while ago, but are kind of taking over the world... figuratively anyways.

1. Synth/Electronica-core. Genghis Tron did it for a while, but a bunch of these new bands are picking it up... TDWP, Attack! Attack!, Sky Eats Airplane, to name a very very small percentage. And needless to say, even though I shouldn't like it because it's all popular and according to some un-written hipster-handbook I am not supposed to like popular trends, I do. Synth is my weakness. For some reason, you put an electronic riff under a slick vocal line and it gets my heart all a-pounding. Add in a british accent and you've got yourself an album that will be heavily rotated on my itunes for a while (aka Enter Shikari). Who knows if they are just doing it becuase that's where music is going, and I know that alot of pop-punk stuff is bringing it in too, but Im all for it. MIDI here we come.

2. Neon. My friends, the 80's are back in full force. I can go on about women's fashion (leather pants, off-the-shoulder shirts, etc), but Im talking about neon. Neon pants, neon hoodies, the brighter the better, and I am also not ashamed to say that I love it. Red-denim has been big for a while most likely thanks to Haylee Williams, ha, but I think sceeny-boppers took it and ran with it, and I'm thrilled that they did. Im happy to go to shows and see people wearing more then just black. Sea-foam-green, salmon, yellow, every color, and even though I haven't worked up the courage to actually purchase something, Im pretty darn close.

3. High-tops. Once again with the 80's, hip-hop style this time. I think this trend is the result of the culmination of the meshing of the hipsters and hip-hop, it's difficult to tell them apart these days. This is a third trend that I am all too willing to follow because I think high-tops are trill. I actually tried on a pair yesterday, red and white. Along with this growing trend, I'm also a little nervous to actually go and purchase a pair.. but it's going to happen. Just you wait.

This post is full of stereotypes... I didn't mean for it to sound like that. Ha. I apologize.

Gettin' There.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.

For the last few days it's been incredibly cold. Below zero at some points in the week. Eight AM is not the warmest part of the day, and waking up for my class at that time has been a bit of a challenge. Simply the fact that it's still dark when I get into my car to drive to class. I legitimately think my nose-ring-hole is frost-bitten since metal and cold are not a good mix. Kind of gross, sorry.

I have also been in a really reflective mood, having an exorbitant about of weird deja vu events, and a lot of thinking. I don't know, it's weird but alright.

I was having a very interesting evening on wednesday, a little frustrated with some accounting and time issues and I was needed to go practice for the music for church, kind of complained a bit in the car ride over there to my friend, and was just in a funk. We get to the place our friend was to practice, and as we started playing some songs, like an exhale it all washed away, gone gone the notes escaping through my throat and the guitars and out not to be felt for the rest of the night or the next day. Blessed be the name, when the sun's shining down on me, when the world's all that it should be, blessed be the name. Blessed be the name, on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be the name. The two others we sang are also some of my favorites. The rest of the interns and people at the shelter that we were practicing at came in and started singing till there was about seven of us all just praising Him to praise Him. It was extremely cathartic on my soul and the next morning was beautifully lit by the sun, painting the clouds and glittering the snow as it fell around the river and trees.

Like the song says, every blessing he pours out, we need to turn back and praise him. Even when the darkness closes in on us, we still need to say blessed be the name of the Lord. That irish blessing at the top put it right; those were my warm words on that cold evening. They will be the warm words in the cold morning tomorrow.

It's been an incredibly eye-opening week thus far.
Columbus on monday.
It's getting a bit warmer.

Schedule Time

For those of you wondering, here is what I'm taking:

Accounting (2): Not as hard, time consuming, or stressful as the 101 class, which is glorious. The Professor is so nice.
Writing and Rhetoric: Our topic is rhetoric writing and protest songs. I played an Edison Glass song in class, I like the teacher, really laid-back.
Music Theory (2): Dang. I love music theory but heaven's-to-betsy, this class is a killer (plus it's at 8am, ha).
Computer Skills for Musicians: Learning Digital Performer; I love midi. Im making a cheesy techno song for my first project.
Global Media Systems: Eh, interesting subject matter, a bit hard to relate, big projects and whatnot.
419: Audio team for the feature-length film Trailerpark. Its going to be fun, lot's of hand's-on-learning, I'm the only girl on the Audio Team, and most of the team are my friends, so it's gonna be fun.

And technically, my internship over break counts as an hour too.

Total hours:22
Getting credit for:20

Morning

Sitting in my english class.
Got some sleep last night which feels good.
This has been a weird week. (EX: Set my hair on fire...long story).

Lots of gray,
Lots of weird words coming from my mouth,
Lots of awkward prayers,
Lots of anticipation.
But, everything will be alright.

I am officially the worship leader for this new church that my friends are helping with, and last night we practiced and I was flustered from my accounting homework, feeling a bit rushed, kind of warbly from hitting my head (another long story, ha), and it was just what I needed. It was the perfect timing for those songs and I am so excited for Sunday; to be able to feel that connection with people while singing with them.
I am excited to be a part of that. It was just a slot that fell into place and that peace hasn't left me since then. Even this 19 degree morning seemed a bit warmer with the sun shining on the snow making it glitter; the windows catching it and lighting up the campus.

God is good. He is love, and joy and peace, and all things wonderful.

Oh Inconsistent Me... Crying Out For Consistency

Let it all out, get it all out,
Rip it out, remove it.
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed.

Cause we're so scared to find out,
What this life's all about...
So scared we're going to lose it,
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need.

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat.
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did,
I will stare at you in disbelief.
Oh, inconsistent me,
Crying out for consistency...

And you said I know that this will hurt,
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
Remember,
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

And I'll let it be known,
At times I have shown,
Signs of all my weakness,
But somewhere in me there is strength...

And you promise me,
That you believe
In time I will defeat this,
'Cause somewhere in me there is strength.

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat,
And I'll try my best to just forget,
That that man isn't me.

Reach out to me.
Make my heart brand new.
Every beat will be for you, for you...

And I know you know,
You touched my life,
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light.

Let It All Out
Relient K

I Cried When I Read This

After posting last night, I thought I would open up my guilty-pleasure magazine Alternative Press, to see who was in there and to my joy, Bryce Avery (The Rocket Summer) had written a column.

I could barely contain myself while reading.

Here it is.

OP-ED
Speak Out

The Rocket Summer's Bryce Avery already spreads a lot of goodwill through his upbeat music. But after a charitable encounter overseas, he was inspired to bring together art, commerce and giving through his new clothing line, Call It Captivate. Read on to see what you can do to help others while helping your wardrobe.

"For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me in. I needed clothes, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you looked after me. I was in prison, and you cane to visit me...I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one o the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
A guy named Jesus Christ said that. Lately those words have echoed and resounded in my head like the first time I heard the Edge's guitar sustain euphorically reverberating throughout Reunion Arena in Dallas when U2 played in 2001. Whether you follow Christ or not, I think we can all agree these are powerful words, and if we followed them more often, the world really would be a better place.
Several months ago, I was on tour in the U.K. I have a love/hate relationship with the U.K.; we have phenominal shows there and some of our best fans live in the U.K. Other then that, if you are touring across the pond in the luxurious way that the Rockeet Summer does (in a van, staying in the cheepest hotels with no phones or clocks and two random channels on the TV), it can get boring very fast (I'm sorry, U.K.!). Well, this time I had it pretty hard getting on a good sleep schedule. Jet lag at it's finest. I was sleep deprived, quietly cranky, letting the issues I sometimes deal with get to me more then usual. At the end of the day, depsite my exhaustion, I had a hard time just clocking out. A few sleepless nights in, I started asking God to help me. I didn't want to be miserable at these shows in this awesome country just becuaase I was exhausted.
It's interesting how I run to God when I need him most, but when all is fine I tend to forget. I opened the good book and without any searching, I immeditely saw the verse I mentioned above about caring for the sick, visiting those in prison and feeding the homeless. In a moment when I needed help and all I could think of were my issues, my attention was drawn to those in need and how that's where you find God. I started praying for opportunities.
The next night after our show in Nottingham, we hit up a sketchy, late-night kebab shop for dinner, and there were two homeless people hanging around outside in the cold. I instantly felt God tugging my heart and saying, "Here ya go." My immediate reaction was slight discomfort. I quickly realized that it sounds a lot cooler to say you hang out with the homeless than when you're actally about to do it. I decided to buy some pizza for these people, sit with them and talk for a little while. They were rad. We talked about life, the weather, pizza and God. It was a short conversation because we had to get on the road, but before I hopped into what now seemed like an extremely luxurious van, the frail homeless woman ran up to me with tears streaming down her face, saying how much she knew that Christ loved her and how she loved him. It was an epic moment.
While I wasn't doing it for me, somehow I felt like I got far more out of that than those people did. It's awesome how putting people before yourself can cure you of what issues you might be dealing with because real love is healing you and real love is healing the people you are feeding, clothing and taking car of. I am no saint, but I want to encourage you as well as myself to do this, and there are plenty of ways to get involved.
As a reletnless touring artist, over the years I've observed unfortuneate realities throughout the downtown streets that we play. Disease is something that has struck my immediate family more then once. I've seen first-hand the poserful effect of giving and helping: healing. I wanted to take this oppourtunityto talk more about giving, specifically through Call It Captivate, my new clothing line which donates portions of the proceeds to charities that work everyday to help those in need. Never in a million years would I have ever thouht to start a clothing company, but now after aving played roughly a thousand concerts, I have opserved how fashion, art and entertainment engague culture, and I wanted to jump in with an idea. I got some friends together, we started creating great designs and then I got ont he phone with about 12 different charities. Here's how it works: When you purchase an item fro our collection, we give at least 25 percent of the proceeds to a charity that you choose. On out website we have listed the charities that we support, ranging from disease research to poverty aid to apodtion agencies. We strive to make great clothes-we want people wearing our stuff simply becuase they love the designs-but we'd like to make a difference while we're at it.
If you get a second, visit out webstore to check out some cool clothes and what we're about. But to be completely honestly, if you really get a second, try meeting a new friend in need: Pizza is pretty cheep and a great conversation starter.

Call it Captivate supports the following charities: Blood: Water Mission, National Multiple Sclerosis Society, Guide Dog Foundation For The Blind, Holt International Adoption, American Cancer Society, World Vision, National Alliance To End Homelessness, Special Olympics, ONE and Doctors Without Borders. For more info or to purchase a shirt and donate to the charity of your choice, head to callitcaptivate.com.

Oh my gosh. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that Alternative Press, a magazine that really doesn't have much to do with the message of Christ, printed this column that points to the goodness and selflessness of Jesus. I praise God for allowing the editor to have an open heart; God was in their office that day as cheesy at it sounds. Bryce is an amazement. I pray that those reading this issue also have an open heart and maybe want to look more into what Jesus teaches. God provides a way for His words to be heard.

Here is the website.
Call It Captivate

Back

Im back in Athens as of this afternoon. I'm experiencing that weird feeling that people can get coming back to a familiar place that they haven't seen in a while. I feel like I was just here; like I left to take a bike-ride and came back and all my food is gone and appliances unplugged... or something like that.

After having an interesting new years evening, a friend suggested (perfect timing by the way girl), that the resolution should be to give everything up to God. And yes, that does sound easier said then done but it is something for which to strive, and goodness knows that if I focus only on what happened yesterday (or last quarter), I'm not going to get very far. It's kind of like I'm looking at the sky while Im walking and it's so beautiful that I don't want to stop looking at it, but I am also paying attention to where I'm putting my feet so I don't step into any potholes.

List of potholes to avoid:
-Being overly anxious about grades and school.
-Being overly anxious about minute little events that seen big at the time but really are not that big.
-Anticipating with negativity.
-Selfish insecurities.
-Letting my schedule take over my life and attention.
-Failing to see God's hand in every moment, His touch on every person, His beauty in every blade of grass.
-Forgetting my forgiveness and the grace that is offered constantly.
-Forgetting that I am not bearing all this burden alone.

This isn't my most eloquent writing, but oh well.
I feel like I should say something poignant now. Lets see...

Nope, sorry. Nothing comes to mind. Maybe tomorrow I will be full of big(er) words and something epic.
Maybe.

For now, it's just me sitting on my futon eating raspberries and thinking about when I should finish unpacking. My mom is also here for the evening, which is nice. Brings a bit of home to Athens. I was gone for a bit this evening and she baked bread;my apartment consequently smells amazing.
Mom's are so good at being comfortable.

Ill leave you all with something I just saw in my journal from 707 last week...

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34: 17,18

Good stuff.