Bread

Acts 14:22 (New International Version)
…strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

2 Corinthians 6:4-7 (New International Version)
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; In beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God.

Being the selfish individual that I am, I of course, want everything to go my way, go according to how I plan and get upset when things don’t happen that way. I love the Lord with all of my heart and I want more than anything, to be able to just give my life up and let Him take care of everything, good and bad. I had thought that I did that, being a Christian, I thought that He was going to take care of everything, and to me, that meant that He would make sure that nothing “bad” happened to me. Throughout my childhood, small little things would happen and I had thought that I stood strong when these “hardships” were presented. I thought that I was going through persecution for my faith when someone would tease me, and I thought that having a hard senior year of high school was building up my character…. But in reality, the small things I experienced back then had only clouded the reality of REAL hardships. And when recently, I had been presented with situations just a tiny bit more difficult to handle, I didn’t know how to handle them, and I folded, crumpled under the small weight that was being put on me and in reaction, I just slunk back into self-pity and sadness. This self-pity was doing nothing positive, nothing to help my situation, it just made the world around me all the more bleak, creating more self-pity and sadness and it quickly spiraled into a dangerous cycle that I am still trying to work myself out of.

I get sick when I think of how much time, energy, and effort I put into how “horrible” not only my situations, but my life was. I get sick when I think of how those feelings made me feel about myself, my image, my family, my friends, everything. I get sick when I think of how much I didn’t trust the ONE person who could truly help me through my “hardships” because I was blaming Him for them. Blaming the creator of the universe, the one who created life and love, the one who made this amazing world around me, the one who made me. I was blaming my father who made me, for the situations I was going through. I had nudges from Him of how to make my life better and I ignored Him. I was comfortable wallowing in my pity and was getting attention, even though it was the wrong kind. I feel like a selfish child when I think of the things I have said to people, when I think of the complaints that I had, when I KNOW that the people I was talking to were going through things just like, if not worse then the things I was going through, expecting them to pity me. And then to be angry at God… the one who was beaten beyond recognition for me, for my selfishness…

Coming up here to Eagle River Wisconsin, where the beauty of God is more apparent here then anywhere I’ve ever been, I have had a lot of time to think about everything that has happened recently (because I couldn’t really do much physically, and there isn’t cable television), and God has definitely made himself apparent in my thoughts more then ever. I had not been doing daily devotionals during the year and I thought I would pick up the book and read the one for that day.

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June 19

“Grain must be ground to make bread” Isaiah 28:28

Many of us cannot be used as food for the world’s hunger, because we have not yet to be broken in Christ’s hands. “Grain much be ground to make bread,” and being a blessing of his often requires sorrow on out part. Yet even sorrow is not too high a price to pay for the privilege of touching other lives with Christ’s blessings. The things that are most precious to us today have come to us through tears and pain. J.R Miller

God has made me as bread for His chosen ones, and if it is necessary for me to “be ground” in the teeth of lions in order to feed his children, then blessed me the name of the Lord.

To burn brightly out lives must first experience the flame. In other words, we cease to bless others when we cease to bleed. –Ignatius

Poverty, hardship and misfortune have propelled many a life to moral heroism and spiritual greatness. Difficulties challenge our energy and our perseverance but bring the strongest qualities of the soul to life. It is the weights on the old grandfather clock that keep it running. And many a sailor has faced a strong head wind yet used it to make it to the port. God has chosen opposition as a catalyst to our faith and holy service.

The most prominent characters of the Bible were broken, threshed, and ground into bread for the hungry. Because he stood at the head of the class, enduring affliction while remaining obedient, Abraham’s diploma is not inscribed with these words: “The father of Faith.”

Jacob, like wheat, suffered severe threshing and grinding. Joseph was beaten and bruised, and was forced to endure Potiphar’s kitchen and Egypt’s prison before coming to his throne.
David hunted like an animal of prey through the mountains, was bruised, weary, and footsore, and thereby ground into bread for a kingdom. Pail could never have been bread for Caesar’s household is he had not endures the bruising of being whipped and stoned. He was ground into fine flour for the Roman royal family.
Combat comes before victory. If God has chosen special trials for you to endure, be assured He has kept a very special place in His heart just for you. A badly bruised soul is one who is chosen.
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A few days after reading this entry, I kept thinking the words “read Job.” It kept repeating in my mind until I decided that I really should listen and I read the first half of the book of Job. It was about how the devil took away Job’s wealth, family, belongings, and health and still did not curse God. He stayed true to his faith through the worst hardships that the devil could throw at him.

Wow, I thought. If Job could still love God even after all those horrible things happened to him, there is no reason why I shouldn’t because of a few small, seemingly insignificant little blips in my life. I should be falling on my knees thanking God for all the blessing I do have, not complaining to Him about my handful of troubles that are fleeting.
Everything happens for a reason and every event in my life is part of a plan God has to shape me into the person that He needs me to be. I see now that through the things that happened to me this summer all have helped me to learn about myself, learn about thankfulness, and are all going to shape my character.
Thank you God, for blessing me. Thank you for your patience with my frustration, and thank you for your ultimate plan.